MarriedandWhatnot

I was watching this show last night where this woman had worked at the Looney Toons theme park for 15yrs and the music had driven her crazy to the point where she would hum the theme music and take baths with her socks on. I guess I must be on the tinge of crazy because that sounds like something dumb I’d do. I have been known to jump into the shower fully clothed to play with my wife. It’s all fun and games until you try to peel a wet shirt off in the heat of the moment and almost (accidentally) knock your spouse out. Anyways, there are many writing styles out there, so for this last blog of the year I think I am going to utilize a technique coined by my buddy called ‘david’s dysfunction’ where I can start here, and end up way over there. Yea, he is also a member of the purple blazer club (but I am the president). I think I have one inch more of insanity than he does, but we both would argue it depends on the day. Heck all my boys in the circle of trust are a bit off in some way. Will, Debarge, Caps…we’re like Disorderlies or something.

I started this blog to talk about married life, my family, being a husband, father, yada yada. It was supposed to be centered around relationships, but I have deviated a tad bit. Let’s get back to fam life for a second. I was glad when Christmas arrived. I am a giver, so I like to see my kids faces light up. I had also been wanting to BBQ so I could take photos and email my buddies back home in Ohio to rub it in. Well I did grill, but I was lightweight in a funky mood so I didn’t care much to take photos. The food was good though, and a nice change for the holiday (which I think may be a new tradition). That next day daddy got to play Bad Santa for the first half of the day, so I wasn’t complaining whatsoever. As a back seat passenger on this 2008 emotional roller coaster I was whipped back into a small funk again. I was just irritated with any and everything. Kids turned the Christmas lights on, and I went around and yanked all the cords out from all 3 trees like the Grinch. And yes, we have three Christmas trees (7ft, 6ft and 4ft fiber optic). Ok, I didn’t literally yank the cords, but I was pretty mean turning them off. I was just ready for this holiday to be over and I was tired of looking at those decorations. Due to some life circumstances, I didn’t really feel like tis’ing the season anymore. I actually wanted to kick that tree over a few times. It was keeping my recliner from going all the way back. But heck as aggravated as I was, I still was no where near as bad as that worst mother ever I wrote about last week.

I was reading my dude’s blog the other day. I sometimes call him ALL CAPS aka the angry e-mailer because he tends to yell in -emails a lot (then blame it on forgetting his cap keys were on). Well in his blog he was talking about some guy in the bookstore smelling like twice-baked butt. I found that hilarious because that same day I was going to tell CAPS about this lil foreign guy that worked at the convenient store. He asked if I wanted anything else, and his breath was hellatious. I mean it smelt like flame-broiled toddler anus. You know how they can walk around with that pullup on and you see hot fumes escaping like a mirage? When he asked, I wanted to grab that case of Altoids and sling shot some to the back of his throat. When I was little my mom told me sometimes peoples breath smells like doo doo (arrgh I hate that word) because they are backed up. If that were the case, dude seriously needs some laxatives.

Speaking of toddlers, last night I was playing with my youngest. This lil cat has me completely wrapped around his stinky finger. He ear slapped me yesterday playing. I mean not hard enough to make it ring, but he popped the ish out of me. I saw it coming in slow motion too, and couldn’t even react because I was so tired. Now any other of those kids would have did that…[this portion has been deleted due to Texas child protective service laws]. I am real calm, but something about my face makes me snap. I mean it could probably make me break #2 of my male pet peeves. Ok, not that serious, but you get the point. He hit me, and I just smiled, wrestled him and kissed him. Later that night I had a dream about my dudes wife that passed away earlier this year. Interesting way to start my day off. I plan on calling my Goddaughter this week since her daddy gave her a phone for Christmas. I am glad because he is about as good at relaying messages as trying to get good customer service from a ghetto call center for Time Warner.

Two-thousand-eight has definitely been interesting. I issued some challenges to my buddies for this upcoming year. Don’t really believe in resolutions, but do believe in setting goals and using time frame parameters. Guess just another way to promise myself that I won’t be a fat gelatinous bastard in 2009. I also have some exciting new projects coming forth. My short novella should be available for sale in a couple months, and I am looking forward to introduce some new talent this year. Right now we are in the process of restructuring our websites and adding some new exciting content. My wife and I are also about to start a video relationship series, so subscribe to the blog and stay posted for further details. I think you will enjoy!

I pray you guys have a safe New Year’s!

JM ‘08

I recently blogged about the top 10 gifts I never received as a kid, and somehow I stumbled upon this YouTube video. Technically there are worse mothers out there, but this is just wrong. This kid thought his dreams came true as he ripped back the paper of his Christmas present to reveal an XBOX360. To his dismay his mother played a cruel joke on him and stuffed the 360 box with clothes. To add insult to injury, while his mom is telling him they can’t afford an xbox there is some ignorant family member in the background cackling.

I hope this was a YouTube prank. If not, that heifer is dead wrong.

This was a conversation the wonder twins (my 4 & 6 year old) had in the back seat of the van a few weeks back.

4 yr: Is it Christmas yet? When is Santa supposed to come?
6 yr: There is no Santa. Daddy is Santa.
4 yr: That’s right, I forgot.
6 yr: But he has to get a green suit so he can buy us toys.
4 yr: He already has a green suit, and a big brown bag to hold our toys.
6 yr: OH!

Yea, it didn’t make sense to me either. lol. They never cease to amaze me with their conversations. Now I am sure millions will disagree with me, but I just don’t get this Santa stuff. Growing up I always questioned Santa and his tactics. How he came down a chimney, the construction, his weight/size, our fireplace, what if I slept over Grandma’s house, how does he get to my friends with apartments? More importantly, I was a good kid and didn’t understand why I didn’t get certain things when spoiled brats I knew did. After I kept asking questions, my grandfather told me the truth. He didn’t believe in lying to kids about Santa, and you know what…I agree. It didn’t destroy me because it never made sense to me in the first place.

I am not a Grinch. How I may not be the jollyest person, my family definitely gets into the spirit of the holiday. We are very giving, we decorate heavily (prior to Thanksgiving…lol), and watch numerous seasonal movies. It is not that I am against tradition, but what I am against is lying to your kids. As a parent we try to do our best to equip our kids with the tools they need to succeed. Along with basic needs (food, clothing, shelter) some of us instill principles, manners and wisdom to help with their survival once they leave the roost. In our household we try to build men with integrity and teach them to be honest, so how can you do that and outright lie? And for what? Because society tells you to do so? I can’t speak for anyone else, but we work to hard for our money for our kids not to appreciate that these things were sacrifices from their parents. My kids have grown to become very thankful and I love that about their personalities. They go so far as to thank us when we prepare their food. They are that way because the time we devote to developing their character. People dedicate all this energy to develop faith in their kids regarding Santa, but not Christ?

What are your thoughts? I am not judging whatsoever. I feel it is your child, and you should have the right to do what you feel best. What I do have a problem with is people looking at us like we are lepers because we choose to tell our children the truth. I actually feel sorry for anyone who my 4yr old comes in contact with. He is not shy like my other sons, rather quite outgoing and outspoken. He will argue with you in a heartbeat, and I am sure he will burst someones bubble…lol.

I wrote this prior to Christmas to auto-publish, so I pray you all have a blessed Holiday. Keep Christ in Christmas!

J

When I was younger my grandfather got mad at my mother for writing “X-MAS” on the box of decorations we kept in the attic. He said that we were crossing out the name of Christ. I heard what he said, but at the time I really didn’t understand why he took that so seriously. Now that I am older and look at things from a different angle, I get it. I Googled ‘xmas’ and there was an interesting perspective on Wilki. I understand this isn’t the most credible source, but they stated: “Christ” was often written as “XP” or “Xt”; there are references in the Anglo-Saxon Chronicle as far back as AD 1021. This X and P arose as the uppercase forms of the Greek letters χ and ρ, used in ancient abbreviations for Χριστος (Greek for “Christ”), and are still widely seen in many Eastern Orthodox icons depicting Jesus Christ.

I am too exhausted to do the research right now, so I chose to stay in cynical land (my own mental amusement park). I hear what the article is saying, but I still have my reservations. Why don’t we abbreviate Thanksgiving and call it X-giving? I mean technically it is a longer word. These are things I question. You have to do what you feel, but for me and my household we choose to keep Christ in Christmas.

Be blessed people!

My buddy Will be doggin me out all week long. So to offer a truce, I want to dedicate a song to him.

Heck, tis the season. Why not dedicate two…

I watched Dark Knight this weekend, and was thoroughly impressed with the acting as well as the storyline and action. It was a long movie, but I was entertained.  Silly thing is I could identify with the Joker. Heck, maybe I need to go out and get a purple blazer (just kidding). Seriously though, many people think the Joker is crazy but I personally don’t. If you watch that particular flick, everything he did was well thought out and orchestrated. Somewhat appealed to my youthful attraction to gangster type flicks. In any case, I am not huge on comics so I google’d to find out more information on the Joker. One site I found stated the Joker may not be insane, but has some sort of “super-sanity” in which he re-creates himself each day to cope with the chaotic flow of modern urban life.

Yea, I need a purple blazer!

Do you ever just feel like requesting a do over? In relationships, in careers, in life choices? I won’t speak about bad choices in relationships or we’d be here all day. I will say one quick thing about careers. I am an creative type person, and often feel trapped in my career path just because it provides stability and I am the provider. Problem is I feel like Charlie Ward. How I am good at this, I’d be better and happier at that. Guess you can’t do anything about bad choices in life other than make the best out of the ingredients you have remaining. I try not to dwell on that stuff, but sometimes I do go to that purple blazer portion of my brain, and think about how fun it would be to have one day of The Big Payback.

Don’t do me no darn favor,
I don’t know karate, but I know KA-RAZY!!!! (yes we do!!)

Do you ever feel like you are constantly losing pressure? Sometimes I think I am too crazy to be crazy (if that makes sense). I don’t have any mental illnesses (that have been diagnosed with), but sometimes life can make you feel like you are going bananas. Have you ever cried and not realized you were crying because you were just zoned out? Maybe I should stop being so truthful on this blog before they send a white van to my house, place me in a straight-jacket and ship me to a psychiatric hospital. I usually don’t reveal much about my personal life, but blogs to me are therapeutic because they allow an avenue to vent and self-reflect. Besides you never know…maybe in the midst of my dysfunction I may be able to help someone.

I was talking to my friends ‘ALL CAPS’ and ‘Will the Hostess Zebra Caper’ yesterday crying and complaining about life. I told them how I feel like a boxer. I was watching this mixed marital arts last night, and this dude kicked the other in the liver. I don’t know what that does physiologically, but it paralyzes your body temporarily. That is how I feel my storms are. They never cripple me severely, but they temporarily paralyze me. They hit me so hard they keep me from talking (praying). Not only that, but you know when someone knows your weak spot and you anticipate it? I feel like I am in a fight, and fighting hard, but in my mind I know I can’t block that liver shot that is inevitably coming. It is like I win one battle, then get ko’d. I get back up, this time go old school 15 rds and bam…right when I get close KO’d again. I am tired of fighting for the championship. I am ready to get past boxing so I can promote others. Of course my dudes encouraged me to keep fighting and not throw in the towel, but like I told them sometimes I feel like my faith is tapping out. On top of everything else going on right now, we had this severe leak that I didn’t have the financial means to take care of.

A couple months back I noticed there was some water backed up where my sprinkler valves were located. This water also saturated the earth around this area, so I knew there was a busted pipe somewhere. Because I assumed I didn’t have the means to fix it at the time, I ignored the problem instead of getting to the root of it and resolving it. So fast forward to Wednesday. Driving home from work I am chatting with my wife, and she tells me when my sons came home from school, they explained to her that the water had flooded the sidewalk, and they had to jump over it. It rained the night before so I thought nothing of it until I got home. I pull into my driveway and water was pouring out the hole at a rapid pace and flowing down the street. I immediately went inside and called the water company, which was the quickest, easiest solution. They claimed they would send someone out, but most likely it was the homeowners responsibility. I knew this, but was just hoping by some miracle it was their fault. I put on some old jeans, went outside, and with the assistance of my neighbor spent an hour or so out in the pitch black frigid air trying to turn these stubborn valves shut. My neighbor is this big 6′3 250lbs shredded guy, and he couldn’t even turn them counter-clockwise. After alternating muscle, we finally got them shut. We scooped the water out, and no sooner than we it overflowed again and continued to pour down the street. At this moment we both realized there was a severe break with no quick fix. The earth which was previously wet now formed a mound as the water pressure beneath it built up. I was so frustrated I just went into the house. I didn’t once think about cutting over the main water supply until I figured it out (duh). I went back into the house and jumped into a warm shower and stood there for 15mins frustrated, hurt, pissed, cold, and irritated that the water pressure was so low. I stood there as water rolled down my face thinking about all the money I had rolling down the street and what my water bill was going to be. I also thought the worst scenario. How this is Christmas time, and anticipating an expensive bill from a plumber.

The next day instead of a plumber I called an irrigation specialist, and he came out to fix the leak. He dug the ground up, and replaced the broken PVC pipe. Apparently the original contractor for the home connected this PVC from the mainline to our house with a pressure coupling. As they dug the soil (clay) out, they pulled out some gargantuan rocks. I started thinking about my old neighbors moving, and how they backed their truck up over that area and how the pressure most likely pushed that rock into the pipe and cracked it.

Will was talking to me yesterday about the trials we go through, and how I always have a testimony as a result that I share with him. In this situation, I sought to prove him wrong as I was rebellious and mad at everything and felt this entire situation was pointless. You know how sometimes how you know what people are telling you is right, but in the midst of your problem you don’t want to hear it? Him and Caps were both on me yesterday about persevering through.

As I took a shower this morning, the water pressure was now restored and I had time to meditate about this entire situation. I thought about how sometimes in life we see a problem…the wet ground around us…and instead of taking the time to get a shovel and dig to the root of our problems, we just ignore it like it will go away. We walk past our issues daily, and convince ourselves we will deal with it another day. Like I did with the water company, we want the quickest, easiest solution, or a quick fix. We anticipate the worst and try to avoid it altogether. As soon as the break occurred, I did like most people do. We try to defer blame to someone else, and accept no accountability for our own actions. Then what happens? That leak gets worse and worse. The pressure around us constricts and eventually that trouble area which started as a hairline fracture cracks and we implode. Standing in the shower I kept thinking about the water pressure, and how it is like God’s grace. For the past month or so since this crack occurred, the water (grace) was there, but I couldn’t experience the full flow of it until I fixed that problem I kept overlooking. Maybe the hindrance of favor in my life right could be directly correlated to me not going to the root of a troubled area in my life?

I believe we all have issues. The problem is most of us don’t deal with them. And in some cases the problem may be too big for us to solve by ourselves, so we may have to call in our own (mental) irrigation specialist. Someone who can keep us from losing pressure and help to restore that flow. A person grounded in the word that can be a listening ear for you to vent, yet give you sound advice and proper guidance. I am thankful for all the irrigation specialists God has currently placed in my life. I have been truly blessed with wonderful wife and some good friends (who I view as brothers).

I was doing some research this weekend on ROI (return on investment), and I came across an interesting article by a guy named John Wesley (written in 2007). First let me back up. About a decade ago, my wife and I attended this seminar for real estate, and one of the things this guy said stuck with me ever since. He stated the difference between wealthy people and people of lower income brackets is simply how they chose spend their time. He went on to give examples of how he doesn’t watch television, rather reads the newspaper. He shared numerous tips about how he maximized his time.

I will be the first to admit sometimes I don’t use my time wisely. I tend to get frustrated at life circumstances and knocked off kilter. Some roadblocks and life make me just pump the breaks, and want to just go play with my kids and enjoy life, play around on the net, or just plum sleep it off. Going through trials are exhausting; mentally, physically & spiritually. In any case, while performing research yesterday I stumbled upon this ROI article. It spoke about how the goal of an ROI is to maximize the return on the money you invest, however we have not been taught to view ourselves as a primary investment rather than money. It went on to talk about how we have to start looking at everything we do as an investment of time (e.g. watching a bad TV show is a poor return of time). My bro-in-law and I talk all the time about how time is more valuable than money. You always have an opportunity to make money, but once time is gone, it is gone. Often times I look at my kids and their growth, and I feel a rush of anxiety. I feel as if I am running out of the luxury of time and have this sense of urgency that I wish I possessed in my younger years..

The author of this article stated that the key is to invest our time so that we can be productive in more than one area. He calls this multiple positives and states, “The key to finding multiple positives is finding areas where different positive actions intersect.” An example of this would be playing basketball (fun + exercise), or maybe studying a field that would help you in the workplace as well as with freelancing (web design, writing, etc.). Of course the opposite of these multiple positives is what he calls multiple negatives. An example would be going out to a club. As much as people like to kick it, when we are honest it is not productive, drinks are costly, and the effects (hangover, sex, whatever) will affect the next day. The problem with that is we began to develop a “pattern of poor investment” where we continue to do negative things out of habit. I talked once before about habits being formed or broken in 3 weeks. Many of us have habits from years ago (I know I do).

The article also spoke about the principles of compound interest. Basically when you invest money, you earn interest, and then you start to earn interest on the money you earned from interest. Over many years this continues to compound, thus leading to substantial returns. Now when you apply this to time, you can see where many of us lost ground. Many of us worked hard, but at some point or another gave up due to various life circumstances. In turn, it limited our ability to be in a position to be successful and reap the benefits of our investment in time. I often wonder if I were a better steward with my time, and were diligent and handling things despite of circumstances which seemed to distract me, where would I be right now? Or better yet, if I managed the time that I have right now, what could I do to change my current environment?

Let’s even take one step out the door of finances. One of the most important ways to show someone you love them is how you spend your time. What if I worked on spending time with and developing my relationship with God more when I was younger? What if I allocated my heart towards His will versus mine…despite all I went through? I know many times I fell into the “that’s not fair” tantrum…feeling that I deserved to have more favor from God than I was receiving. In retrospect He was protecting me the entire time in ways I can’t even describe. Nobody has the ideal circumstance in life and we all go through things where we feel we won’t be able to make it, but believe me God is real and has our best interest at heart…even when sometimes we can not understand it whatsoever. In the midst of our storms, we have to gather ourselves up, be encouraged (click here), and continue to press forward. Trust me from experience, don’t allow your circumstances (or any one/thing) rob you of time as it is such a valuable commodity.

Just food for thought. To close this blog, I will quote the last part of this article:

Many people think their time isn’t valuable when they aren’t working, so they throw it away on activities that have a poor return on investment and don’t build for the future. The truth is, no one else is going to consider your time valuable until you do. If you want to acquire the wealth that will provide the freedom to live your ideal lifestyle, start thinking of every decision as an investment. Nothing is insignificant.

One mental model that can help you make better decisions is imagining that your life is a corporation and you’re the only employee. If you were the CEO of John Doe Incorporated, and were obliged to maximize profit on behalf of investors, what would you make yourself do? You’ll find that this sort of analysis simplifies many decisions and increases return on investment.

I had a co-worker tell me he posted this on his fridge and told his wife, “Look, this is how this household is about to be run!” Of course it was a joke, but I am interested in hearing your thoughts. This article has been circulating around the net for some time now and there have been debates to its authenticity. There have been many women offended by this because of the chauvinistic tone, and there have even been responses (e.g. Yvonne.)

Regardless, I am curious to hear your thoughts. Do you agree with some of the things said?

(click image to enlarge)

Figured that would be an appropriate title for the season. You know when I started this blog, I planned on sharing life from a married man’s perspective. A Christian man…although you may not be able to tell sometimes by my comments. Hey, I am human…I have mood swings and emotions. But more importantly, I am real. I know there is a great responsibility to watch your words, so I promise in the months to come things will be cleaned up. That being said, I am still the same ol goofy guy.

Yesterday I was cutting my son’s hair. It is like a barbershop up in there with all those heads. I mean literally, my clippers run hot by the time I am through. I usually turn on Pandora and crank the speakers on my computer in my study; which is adjacent to the bathroom where I clean them up. I have several Pandora stations, but this particular one is set to play songs from the 90s, so it provides a nostalgic, authentic barbershop feel (hence the Jingling Baby title). I am old school and use Andis Master, Andis T-Outliner and a straight razor. Yes, I am for real. Sometimes I get in the zone and almost feel like Denzel off Training Day – “I am precise with this ___ Jake!” It is time consuming, but I have learned to just enjoy the time I spend with them. It is so crazy how different my boys are. Aside from the different textures of hair…which is slightly different, but not enough to warrant a paternity test (lol). Just kidding…I branded all my boys with features. Anyways, aside from hair, their personalities are so different. They are these little complex creatures with their own opinions, emotions and interpretations. I engage in conversation with my offspring and it amazes me to see their growth. Conversations range from food they ate, to fight they got into with each other.

After I finished the 2 & 3, I went into my kids playroom and plopped down on the couch to take a break. My oldest was in there frustrated while doing his homework. As we chatted, it just hit me. Wow…I am actually a father. I think because I am a lighthearted person and I like to laugh, sometimes I don’t even realize the authority I have. The presence I have in my household, and how it affects my wife and children. How my voice commands respect. How they ALL look up to me for approval. I started to think about how important a father is in the household, and how it parallels our relationship (or lack thereof) with our Heavenly Father. Just think about how being detached from your father brings about dysfunction in your life. How a lack of communication distances you from your father and how, regardless of if we want to admit it or not, we NEED our father’s approval. Those of us with the biggest deadbeat of the millennium can still be influenced by their words. That being said, I reflect on some of the dysfunction in my life, and have to think…is it because I have distanced myself from my spiritual father? Did I get mad because he left me instructions, and I am just rebellious and want to do my own thing? Is it because I am doing things that I know He doesn’t approve of? Is it because I am not communicating (prayer) with Him regularly?

I don’t preach religion (ever). But what I will say is you owe it to yourself to at least try to form a relationship with God. I understand people are hurting and have questions. Some things don’t make sense, and don’t understand why bother…but I want to offer a non-theological take. This is just pure logic. If I am wrong for following God, what will I lose? If there is no God, what would I lose other than living a life of integrity while on this earth? But if there IS a God, what would you lose (eternally) by not following Him? Your choice.