MarriedandWhatnot

I am at work today, and as I open the door to the men’s room I notice the lights were off. Thinking nothing of it, I search for the light switch for 10 secs, then exit and head for the restroom at the other end of the hall. Hours pass and still this didn’t cross my mind (because I have just been using the other bathroom all day).

Near the end of the day, a friend or mine walks around the corner all frantic. Immediately he states, “Man, you need to start answering your phone!!” We go into a dialogue about my cell number changing, etc. So he tells me, “Buddy, do you know they installed motion censor lights in the bathroom?” I now get the light bulb over my head (or so I think), and respond telling him how I wondered why it was so dark in there earlier. He proceeds to tell me how it is messed up for people in a stall when the lights cut off. Still stuck in blonde mode at this moment and not getting it…then it clicks, “Oh duh, you were calling me for help?”

Of course I burst into laughter at this point thinking about him stuck in there…pitch black…praying somebody would come walk in. Guess he had to prop his phone and wipe via cell phone light. This is one of those times one of my many quirks (never doing #2 in public) comes in handy.  See if he followed my rules, he wouldn’t have been left in the dark. Pun intended.

Ice cream. Alone it sucks, but you jam some cookies in that joker and you are starting to work with something. Sort of like playing with/by yourself. You can, but it is much more fun with someone else. So with ice cream, it has to be swimming in a molten lava of fudge. Preferably a brownie or cake somewhere in the neighborhood. Real fat guys know it has nothing to do with appearance, but everything to do with taste. Say for instance crisp. We like anything crisp – apple crisp, blueberry crisp. Almost anything crisp except burnt. However there are some foods which are good with a tinge of burnt. Pan fried polish sausage for example. We also like our chicken crisp, or should I say deep fried. Nobody wants that healthy grilled crap unless it is chopped up in a salad and drowning in Italian dressing. Italian…which is better suited for toasted Italian subs. We also like our egg rolls crisp with the appropriate sweet duck or pink sauce to dip it in. Never give a fat person a nugget or anything dip-able without a minimum of two dunking sauces.

Pizza is the food of us commoners and ingredients will vary per person. The majority of pizzas out there must be topped with additional red pepper & parmesan…but don’t stop there. You have to dip it in ranch. I know what you are thinking. Ranch is for buffalo wings. Not so fast my friend. Blue cheese is the perfect compliment for our tasty spicy treats. Don’t fool yourself…there is a difference. Just like people disrespecting hamburgers but putting ketchup on them. No, no, no. Mustard is made for hot dogs, brats and burgers. Ketchup is just décor to add color to the table. Now I will admit, every now and then I feel a little naughty and I may place a dab on my plate and dip fries into it. That is a rare occasion though. Most of the time I am just trying to absorb the flavors of my burger which has to be topped with, at minimum, lettuce and tomato. If you want to really get your taste buds going, slap some red onion on there. Nothing like the tangy sweet taste. I also like to drink a milkshake with  it. It almost acts as x-tacy or something…and brings out the flavor in the burger.

But enough of the chicken & cow…what about our friend the pig? Yes we like our pigs chopped, pulled and bbq’d. Sometimes we even spread it over a bed of nachos and drizzle it with all the fixin’s including melted shredded cheddar cheese. We like everything extra…extra sauce, extra meat, extra toppings, and can never can get enough extra cheese. Vegetables must have butter, salt, or be deep fried. Oreos must be dipped in milk. There is no exception to this rule. We like cookies preferably fresh out the oven but store bought will suffice. Chocolate chip, Rangers, Neiman’s, Pepperidge Farm, Keebler, Girl Scouts, it don’t matter. 

We like kool-aid, lemonade, lemonade-tea, beer, and if our drinks are carbonated, any strong soda will do. The choice varies from one fat person to the next. Some like Pepsi, others like Dr. Pepper. I am one that hates the aftertaste of Diet sodas so you’ll never catch one in my vicinity. And when it is all said and done, like this blog post, it is time to retire. 

I am starting to realize that I am not the only unbalanced person on this earth. I think many people around us are mentally strange, but we just don’t take the time to read the signs. Take yesterday for instance. It was my sons fifth birthday and I had to retrieve some money from the ATM. Let me paint this picture. This bank we use has a row of lines. The first being the ATM, with seven others dedicated to drive-thru telling. It is one of the older built ones where you drive around behind the bank and the lanes face the drive-thru teller window. Like you can freakishly stare face to face with them while doing your transaction.

So we pull up and we see this guy standing OUTSIDE of his truck with the door closed leaning down yelling into the machine that you use to talk and send transactions. It was wild because he was literally 20ft from the window but refused to look at the poor little bank tellers, rather take out his frustration on this piece of machinery (which I still have an urge to send a roll of coins through). Now me having a bad day and being ignorant cracked my wife’s window so I could hear. Of course she went off on me telling me I would antagonize him and he didn’t need anything else to set him off. I was in one of my iwishamuthabruthawould modes, but she was right. He did look like he hunted possums as a hobby. I made sure I retrieved our money and exited promptly as I heard the man scream about overdraft charges making his account negative -$105 while he punched the hood of his truck. My lady joked about how the tellers need bullet proof glass, but seeing his anger shortened our humor and we got up out of there before we ended up on the news. His NSF fees compiled with our family driving by…reminding him that we do indeed have a Black president…probably would be enough to set him off.

Now not to stereotype but he wore a dusty baseball cap, appeared to be recovering from a mullet and drove a rusty pick-up truck. That doesn’t mean he had a rifle in the flat bed, I am just saying…sometimes you have to read the signs. You ever watch the evening news and they show a guy who was friend of the family or a babysitter and they were shocked to discover he been molesting the kids? You sit there thinking to yourself, “Well hell look at him? You can tell something ain’t right with him with just one glance!” You have to read the signs.

But reading the signs goes beyond physical, perverted crazy. Some of us need to read the signs when it comes to relationships. Let’s dig deeper and travel beyond crazy crazy and dive into revenge crazy. They did a special on TV the other day about there being a growing trend of Valentine’s Day Revenge. Flower shops talked about how many people ordered black roses to send to ex’s. That one didn’t really shock me because people are simple, but this one was the kicker. The story went on to say there has been a record number of requests for papers to be served (divorce) on V-Day. When you think about that for a second, it is not funny, yet somehow hilarious and mildly entertaining. How hurt do you have to be…how dark does your heart have to be…how bad did you get played…to be that vengeful you will wait and specifically do it on Valentine’s Day? Talk about somebody who is bitter and needs to let go. But I am sure that person read the signs early in the relationship and just chose to ignore so they could continue on their self-gratifying agenda.

One more revenge story for the day. True story that happened here TX. If you want additional details, you can go to thesmokinggun.com. A guy was turned down (repeatedly) by a co-worker for a date, so he posted a fake ad on Craig’s List under the ‘Women Seeking Men’ section and used photos from her MySpace page. He goes on to tell potential dates that she would – moan like Shamu. She didn’t know what was going on so called the police after receiving 150 text messages and 50 phone calls. This one left the Brain with no comment.

Everybody has lost their minds. I am starting to feel I am a salted cashew in a jar full of roasted nuts!

Aside from my wife and children, I just realized that I don’t really like most people. I get along with almost everyone I come in contact with because of my demeanor, but as far as actually like like…wanting to be around them…those type people are few and far inbetween. Sometimes I’d rather just take my Cast Away soccer ball and be by myself.

My lady was looking pretty sexy sleeping, so I cleaned up anticipating waking her by gently kissing on her neck. I jumped out the shower and thought about us having a conversation the previous day about kissing, sucking lips, fresh breath, etc. If you can’t tell by now, I plan on being pretty transparent today. Quite frankly this next part is embarrassing to admit. I brush my teeth twice as day vigorously, however I must admit that I don’t floss regularly. Today I was giving undivided attention to my oral hygiene and decided to floss after I brushed. I spent several minutes scrubbing my mouth with my specialized toothbrush and gargling with a strong mouthwash (to prevent gingivitis and tooth decay). My breath was so cool one blow could send chills down her spine, but I wasn’t done yet. Even after my bout with brushing and rinsing, using the floss I was able to capture funky stuff trapped between the cracks. Flossing is important because it removes the bacteria that inhibits our mouths. It also has sulfurs that build up that lead to bad breath. As a dentist stated, “You should only floss the teeth you want to keep!” I’ve heard another say brushing without flossing is the equivalent of washing  65% of your body. Floss is relatively inexpensive, so why don’t we do it more often?

How many of us approach life and our walk the same way? We do the things we are supposed to in an attempt to have a clean external appearance, spend countless hours scrubbing to paint this picture that doesn’t exist while internally we don’t allocate the time to focus on that stuff that falls between the cracks that effects our walk. That funky stinky bacteria that could lead to decay in several areas of our lives. That stuff we know is there, whether it be people or bad habits, but continue to avoid and pretend it doesn’t exist. The stuff we could eliminate if we studied, meditated and prayed daily as we should. Daily habits that are inexpensive, yet would allow us to discern peoples intentions and become wiser in the decisions we make.

If you don’t floss and allow plaque to remain, it can harden into tartar (which dentist must remove). It’s the same way with life and relationships. Sometimes we let someone/something stay around us for so long it is hard to sever the tie…even if we know the relationship is slowly rotting us. Just like with our teeth, we should approach life proactively by taking preventative measures to prevent decay. Whether it be a sibling, ex, or friend…floss the fool and throw em to the curb!

And as far as the wife kissing story goes?  I am sure my preventative measures will pay dividends soon, but as of today…right now this moment…it  didn’t happen. I was alerted a diaper needed to be changed on a toddler that smelled like a 5lb bucket of wet chitterlings, so safe to say the mood was ruined!!

French-vanilla, butter-pecan, chocolate-deluxe. Even caramel sundaes is gettin touched. And scooped in my ice cream truck, Wu tears it up!

Sorry, had a flashback. Tonight after work I had to  run to the store since I forgot to get my kids Valentine’s day cards. I walk into the store and it looked like a flea market as all these people scurried around trying to get last minute gifts. There had to be at least 30 people per aisle with one Large Marge strategically placed in front of the items I wanted to see. I was quite irritated but I managed to get through it. I pulled into the driveway at home and saw the ice cream truck. I ran into the house, threw some sandals on my sons and walked across the street. I have to admit I was somewhat excited as I approached the truck (in a nostalgic sense), but as I got closer I realized things are just different now. There was no mickey mouse nor nothing. I am sitting here looking at the Scooter Crunches thinking – heck for $2.00 I can get a box of 6 at the store. Guess getting older with these # of kids you turn into a penny pincher. Then again sometimes you just have to live in the moment and splurge. Wasn’t the best tasting, but was worth it to create a memory with my sons.

Never seems like there are enough hours in the day. I wish I didn’t have to sleep. I’d be so much more productive.

There was a story on the news last night about the correlation between children watching television, and depression (due to negative influences and advertisement). It made me think about all the negative things we let influence us on a day to day basis as adults. Just take a moment and think about the course of one day all the nonsense on TV, radio, workplace conversations and e-mail that we allow to seep into our brains. When you process all the junk, it makes you realize how we have to monitor what we take in, and who we choose to surround ourselves around. I think many times we keep company in our presence we should have eliminated years ago for various selfish reasons. Whether that be someone who makes you feel important and strokes your ego, someone who gives you whatever you want (sex/money), or someone you think may take you somewhere in life. My general rule of thumb is if someone is not enriching the health of my life (physically and spiritually) then they are just wasting my valuable, precious time. Time is not like AT&T rollover minutes. Once it is gone, we are unable to get back. If someone is not helping you to grow mentally and challenging you in your walk, then anything material they give you (clothes, cars, jobs) is irrelevant. That is not a good enough reason to keep them around.

A few years ago I heard an older gentleman state the best gift you could give a man is to change (transform, challenge) the way he thinks. In Romans 12:2 it tells us to be transformed by the renewal of our minds. The Amplified says to change your ideals and attitude. We’ve heard the old cliché your attitude determines your altitude, but sometimes it is a lot easier said than done. While in the midst of a storm you don’t want to hear that, you want immediate deliverance. I have sessions where I vent and been frustrated with my Father, but when it is all said and done I know that He has my best interest at heart. Sometimes you just need to do what my wife and I call “stiff arm” certain folks and keep them at a distance so you can hear God clearly. Oftentimes we let peoples words and opinions distract, deter and discourage us, and we just need to set aside alone time to mediate and get our heads straight. If you let people, they will attempt to Deebo (bully) you with words because they are miserable in some way, and tearing you down makes them feel better about themselves. There is an X-Men character named Magneto (pictured above) who used to wear a helmet to guard and protect his mind from intrusion. Maybe an extreme example, but you get the gist. We have to slide on a spiritual helmet (to discern motives) and develop thick skin because there are people out there trying to destroy you with their tongue (Psalms 64:3).

I don’t know your situation, but I just wanted to offer words of encouragement. I don’t believe you were led to my blog to read this post for no reason today. I know we all face different trials, and I don’t personally know what you are going through and how that is affecting your life right now. What I do know is you are not in the dark (even though it may seem that way), and you need to know that He is listening to your prayers and this soon will pass. I know it hurts and there are nights you are in so much pain your tear ducts are dried up, but stay strong because your breakthrough is closer than you may think. I come into agreement with you that His will be done in your life and you make it through this tough period of time! Sometimes we can’t see a way out because of the circumstances surrounding our situations, but hold on to your faith. One of my favorite inspirational sentences is – Fear knocked, faith answered, nobody was there!  I know things may seem like they will never get better, but in retrospect I can personally attest to His provision and protection. 

Be Blessed!

JM

Do you ever sit and wonder what it would be like to take a completely different career path? You ever get to the point where you could see yourself happy in several different job scenarios…all different from your current situation? Some of you may actually like your job. I am just speaking to those people who feel like the CareerBuilder commercial (below).

I had a conversation with my friend from India today, and we discussed US schools versus the ones in his home country. He was telling me how they weren’t allowed to use calculators until high levels of math, how they were taught programming/computing concepts in grade school, and how 5th grade math over there was equivalent to freshman math in college here.

I am fascinated by the way they cultivate their students at an early age by educating them in science, math & computers. They definitely have a blueprint that is working as they come over in droves to the US and accumulate wealth. In my friends situation, his family is close knit and they do a good job circulating (recycling) money. The only downside is it seems his parents have a lot of say regarding the direction of his life.  It is a catch 22 where you have financial stability and room for growth, yet you still have a dependency (loyalty) to the family so in essence you don’t necessarily have the same freedom as others to do what you want.

All that to say…

What if you had another chance with no restraints? If you had the same optimism as a young child and believed you can do/be anything you want, what would your ideal job be right now?

Hey folk! I took a brief hiatus to get my head straight and priorities in order. Forgive me in advance for todays blog.  A few days ago my friend told me that he felt he was running on a treadmill while others were passing him by. It is a difficult part of life when we attempt not to measure where we are with others our age, friends and family. I am guilty of this from time to time, and I have to step back and reassess life. How I am close with many, there are none who have the EXACT same situation as I do. I have discovered that the hardest thing about life (in my opinion) is choices. When you are at the fork in the road, and you don’t have time to think and have to make an immediate decision, what do you do? And furthermore, how do you deal with the consequences when  you realize you went down the wrong path? I will revisit this again one day. So what did I do this weekend you ask? Nothing.

Saturday some kids asked my son to come out and play football with them in the street. As I sat in my office protectively watching through the window, I couldn’t help but to see some kids with bad throwing form. As a coach, you tend to have this inner desire to teach. I fiddled my leg anticipating running out there to correct him, but I had to finish my taxes. Then I thought about how short life is, and how I could do my taxes when the kids were sleep, but I couldn’t get that moment back in time of playing street football with my son, or influencing that other young boy.  I thought about how I could use this moment to bless another life, versus being selfish and trying to just take care of my immediate needs. I threw on my gear and moved the kids to a strip of land where I could be all-time QB. I actually got my 6 and 4 year old playing with us to make it a nice 3-on-3 matchup. Team 1 was my oldest, my 4yr old, and this young girl. Team 2 was the young girls brother, this chunky kid who looked like Thurman Merman off Bad Santa, and my 6yr old. I was able to teach the kids some fun plays and mechanics. I won’t go into detail about the game, but the girl ended up having a nice arm, which helped with trick plays. We designed some plays for my 4yr old to score (which he had to run back across the street to tell his mom each time). However after all the events, my most memorable moment was my 6yr old. The kid never really expressed much interest in the sport, and ignored me when I tried to teach him. Prior to the game he was taking my instruction like a pro, and come game time actually had a few deep runs, and a completed pass. Last play of the game my oldest scored on him, and my 6yr old buried his head in my back and started pushing me. I am sure other fathers out there know what I am talking about. The birth of competitiveness in your son where he doesn’t like to lose, doesn’t want to cry, is frustrated but can’t hit you. Like one word will send them over the edge into a rage of tears and aggression. I took a knee and tried to encourage him and tell him what a good job he did, etc…but strangely enough that moment excited me as I saw a turning point in his growth. I wouldn’t have seen it if I stayed inside to do taxes. I think I made the right choice.

Sunday I planned on getting some work done so I could spend time with the fam and enjoy the Super Bowl. I still had to do those taxes, along with a plethora of other things. My sons have this fisher price rim and the oldest asked me if he could bring it into the kitchen. I immediately knew I would get in trouble with the mrs if we broke anything (since earlier that day the 2yr lil terrorist already broke a jar of salsa all over the kitchen floor trying to get his juice out the fridge). We began a battle to show who has the best jump shot as we shot all over the house and used full advantage of our vaulted ceilings. After I set multiple records, we moved to a 2-on-2 game. It was #1 & #2 vs. #3 and myself. I guess this is only funny if you know the kids, but #2 & #3 fight constantly…then are laughing 5 mins later. I can’t really say what happened this game because of child protection laws, but let’s just say it looked like a jr high fight. These two get mad, and it is over. Bad thing is the older one used to smack him (in an attempt not to hurt him), and I went off about him swinging like a little girl and to never do that again. Well he took my words literally and looked like Roy Jones yesterday. He had to connect at least 5 times before the youngest used his brute strength to thrust him against the couch like a superhero. I think this was residual from them pushing and shoving during the football match yesterday. In any case I made them break it up, hug, makeup, all that good stuff. After all the fights, bruises, falls, other stuff that goes along with playing…my sons had a ball. The 2yr old was even getting in the mix, and might I say he has a nasty shot on him. Kid sits and watches bball flicks and tries to mimic it all day long. He absolutely loves basketball and it is like his meditative place he likes to visit where he can take his ball, dribble, shoot, and zone out to the rest of the world. I am rambling now, but I am just a proud father glowing about a moment in time I created by making a choice to invest in my children, rather than focus on bills and other troubles in life.

I also invested some time with my wife this weekend. I just like  being in her presence, talking to her about life family and our kids, playing with her, tickling her, joking with her, watching her sleep. I think sometimes we (men) get caught up in what we need/have to do and don’t stop to invest in our women. I once wrote about how we hinder our blessings by not reverencing what God blessed us with. And sometimes it does not take a lot. I have read before that just holding hands can have medical/emotional benefits for women. All that to say I chose to spend time with her, versus, doing bills, work, etc. I think I made the right choice.

When I think using men logic, and make statements like “I didn’t really do anything this weekend”… in actuality I did. I invested in my family. There was no rhyme nor reason to today’s blog. Let’s just say it was a reflection day where I assessed who and what is important in my life. I spoke with my goddaughter this weekend for a couple minutes (before she deferred to my wife), and after hearing her angelic voice I decided it is time to reassess my relationships. To allocate more time to those who are important (family/friends), and distance myself from those who aren’t (family/friends). It is time I start doing some pruning. Today I will end this blog today from another quote from the movie PRIDE.

“My life is way too short for me to spend my time around people who don’t care about nothin’.”
- Jim Ellis (Pride)