MarriedandWhatnot

Day 2 of my blog via cell phone trials. This is actually my third attempt, and may possibly be my last (since others have complained about this app losing posts). Instead of sitting inside of a boring office meeting, today I am outside utilizing one of the ten breaks I intend on using today.

As I sit here listening to the ambient sounds of nature, I begin wondering what type flower this is? Wondering how long it took to mature? Wondering why women allow any man that gives them five seconds of attention the opportunity to de-flower them?

My wife and I often times discuss relationships, and try to discern the “why” behind peoples decisions. What in their past/present influences the bad/good choices they make? Why females (and heck males too) lower their standards and expectations? At the root level, what inside makes you feel the need to settle and compromise for a loser?

One of my fb friends posted a quote this morning. I am a fan of statements that make you perform a self-assessment, so I wanted to share. Definitely substance to mediate on.

“A woman’s heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her.” ~ Max Lucado

I am currently in a meeting with some vendors politely ignoring every word. I have been staring at the door anticipating when I can bolt. Figured I’d do something productive with my time and try to blog (post) via cell phone. Please forgive typos.

I was talking to a friend of mine about preparing for a breakthrough. I shared my testimony about moving my family across the country and all the trials we went through. I explained that despite your circumstances, sometimes you have to use what you have and prepare (mentally, spiritually, physically, emotionally) so when the door opens, you’ll be ready. Like it to prepping yourself for a job interview. You go in prepared….anticipating what you don’t see…being optimistic, exercising faith, and believing in a positive outcome. No one goes to an interview trying NOT to obtain favor.

I joke a lot on this blog, but ultimately my goal is to share my life experiences and encourage. I know sometimes it looks like your situation will not change, but you can’t give up. Work with what you have, and prepare for (anticipate) a breakthrough.

“Plans are a bridge to your purpose.” ~ unknown author

I needed to do some work prior to work, therefore I purchased one of those tiny bottles of energy drink I have seen near store checkout. I carefully read the ingredients as I wanted to make sure my heart didn’t pound so hard I could hear it nor my flesh to become hot/flush (actual side effects).  Feeling exhausted and at a breaking point, I snapped the lid and took a swig. Ugh. Tasted like Kool-Aid made with Splenda. Had that same diet soda aftertaste that I can not stand. I manage to chug it so I can provide an assessment, while being pessimistic thinking it won’t work in minutes like the package states. I sat on the edge of my desk while reading, and didn’t realize how swiftly my legs were kicking. Thinking it was just exhaustion, I stood up. My foot began to pat vigorously. At this point thinking to myself…damn this stuff actually works. I start to drum on my desk like Travis Barker. No high hats, just straight snare solos. I tried to suppress my crackhead-ish jitters…which started with scratching like Tyrone Biggums…to being paranoid someone was behind me. At this point I knew I had to stop reading and get some of this energy out.

I managed to squeeze in a minor workout prior to coming to work. Famished and not in the vicinity of healthy food, I pulled into the local Sonic. Somehow everything on the left side of the menu seemed appealing, but I settled for a bistro sandwich. Parked my car and walked 5 blocks to work (downtown). For some reason I became focused on items on the ground, so as I maneuvered around dead leaves and bird droppings, this woman walked by talking to herself. She mumbled something and her breath smelled like she had been drinking stagnate toilet water. I had no idea why this –itty breath projected so far, but it was almost if she swallowed a log of digested food. Was it the energy drink? Did it somehow enhance my senses? I thought back to the first (and last) time in college I smoked with some crazy white boys in my dorm, and became so high when I played my football video game later that night I had to put the controller down because I thought I was in the game and didn’t want to get hurt. “Take me out coach!”

I get to work and unfortunately discover 5-Hour doesn’t suppress annoying co-workers; it intensifies them. My face began to hurt smiling at un-humorous attempt to be witty. Too dang early in the morning to be smiling…I been up practically all night. I have a brief fantasy of punching him with one of those oversized gimic boxing gloves…filled with marbles. On my way to a team meeting, I walk past this office and see an old school electric pencil sharpener and think to myself…WWPD – what would Pinocchio do? Was he the life of the puppet party? Did he get drunk and do dares? I could just hear them now, “Stick your nose in it P…I dare you!” My mind is all over the place at this point. How am I thinking about Pinocchio before 9am? I arrived at our team meeting, and I couldn’t help but to zone out until everything became a murmur. Bored out my mind, I had an urge to play musical chairs. I thought to myself, how cool it would be if we all turned into cartoons like the Dungeon’s and Dragons cartoon from the 80s, then we’d play musical chairs with the loser of each round falling through a trap door into a pit of alligators, and me standing on the table holding the conference phone over my head like Excalibur as the victor.

Even though I catch myself at times talking fast as John Moschitta Jr. (Micro Machines guy), the Sonic seemed to be watering down my high. What if I crash? What if at 4:59 I was wired, then at 5:00 on the dot I just passed out at my desk in the middle of a conversation…smacking my keyboard against the monitor with lazy arms.

My assessment? I guess overall I’d have to say it worked…being I typed this post in less than 5 mins. Wonder what would happen if I took one of these before sex? I’d probably morph into a chick afterwards and sit up TALKING about how I read the package, turned into a crackhead drummer who liked diet soda flavored caffeine drinks before working out and molesting a Sonic menu with his thoughts…shortly followed by giving a woman Listerine oral care suggestions in my mind while dodging bird crap in the sidewalk, reminiscing about college bongs…then scarfing down an unhealthy breakfast while avoiding unfunny jokes and visualizing a co-worker being knocked out by the old Mike Tyson, thinking about how Pinocchio kicked it in the wood hood once he turned 21 while playing musical chairs as a cartoon in a team meeting and wondering what ever happened to that Micro Machine guy?

I may have to lay off the caffeine.

Losing my patience is a funny topic because to all my friends, family I have always been Mr. Laid back. In my family (outside of my home) I have the most patience (have to dealing with those bastards) and try to mimic my grandmother who let the weight of the world roll off her shoulders and kept trucking. In my home, I tend to have more patience with the boys than my wife (of course because I am not there all day). And at my job, there is a running joke that I have the patience of Job due to the way I tend to deal with difficult customers (business line and end users). When asked how I do it, I always joke about having a house full of boys. If I can deal with them in a house with vaulted ceilings, then certainly I can deal with these frustrated users. Just walk a day with me and you’ll see why.

Lately Texass has been having an incredible heat wave. As a northern boy, it took me a while to get used to the heat. Literally so hot it makes you religious…because you know you can’t go to hell if it is hotter than Texas. Open your car after work and feels like you are standing in front of an oven full of Thanksgiving fixin’s.

I had already been frustrated this day for various reasons. I started the day waking up late. Drove for a little bit and felt I needed new brake pads…which the shop was too full to fit me in. I get to work and the streets were blocked for some convention. I am trying to merge over and got attacked by a gang of senior citizens in Crown Victorias. I escape to discover no parking and me having to pay for a lot. Worked like a Hebrew slave today on some Cognos reports, then left work to run a never-ending list of errands from not finding what I needed and traveling to 3 different stores, to prescriptions not being filled correctly.

On the way home there was a little bird in the road. As a teen I would speed up (the hell with you PETA), but as a adult I just keep my same speed. I have never hit an animal. It seemed like everytime a bird was in my path, God would send a wind to lift their wings up, so I thought today would be no different. Well this little bird must have missed the memo…thud…rest in tweet.

I get home hot, frustrated, back soaked from sweat, paranoid thinking this birds father was stalking me (still traumatized from watching Hitchcock’s The Birds when I was little). Walk through the door and see my 5yr old on the couch with an ice pack on his forehead. I ask my wife what happened, and she just shook her head. When things of this nature render her speechless it usually makes my blood boil because I know it has to be bad. I go look at my son and he looks like Haseem Rakmeen after the Holyfield fight. Ok, maybe I am exaggerating a lot…but he had a nice size cartoon knot on his head. I ask once more what in the hell happened, then he, she, heck one of em (at this point I was about to blackout and go into rage mode) told me his older brother slammed the door on him.

I suppose I have to pause and explain these brothers. My wife and I had the nerve to say we’d never have two kids in diapers and how horrible that would be, and don’t you know it happened. Back to back. They love each other to death, but couldn’t be more like night and day. I dub them the wonder twins. I joke with my wife about living with all guys because guys can fight, go at it, then be cool 10 mins later. The wonder twins, as small as 3 & 4, would go outside on the patio with chairs next to each other, and talk like Grumpy Old Men. Their bond is the funniest thing you ever want to see. Now ages 5 & 6 they STILL fight 90% of the time, but when they are just conversing, it is hilarious.

So as a parent, you often have to play Inspector Gadget because kids tend to pay attention when they aren’t supposed to (e.g. cursing while driving, smacking mom on the butt, etc). We always get on them for tattle telling about minuscule stuff, and teach them about taking care of one another. Then soon as something like this happens, it is the Usual Suspects…nobody wants to talk. I ask the 5-yr old why were they fighting, and he said, “I dunno.”

“I dunno?” I replied voice raising. “What in the hell does I dunno mean?”

Then I had to just laugh because I remember teasing my wife about her getting frustrated at them…and telling her that is just how guys are. There were other things too. My 2yr old pulled a pack off light bulbs off the table and broke on the kitchen floor, someone wrote on my office carpet with a permanent marker, somebody tagged (graffiti) my tote full of electronics in the closet, they moved all the icons on my PC desktop so I can’t find nothing (and I have serious OCD), and managed to break the leg on one of our kitchen chairs…just to name a few things. And this was a light day. Don’t get me started on the day I came home to a dent/hole in the living room wall because somebody didn’t properly strap on the Wii controller and it went flying.

If I can deal with these children terrorists daily, surely I can deal with people at work.