MarriedandWhatnot

If you stumbled upon my blog, you may run across some posts to make you say, “Just who in the hell does this guy think he is?” Well I am going to tell you. Everything I say I speak from experience. I don’t speak to be malicious or to make anyone feel bad. I speak the truth, and give advice I share with young and old men/women in my family. To my sons, nieces, cousins, friends. I focus a lot on relationships because I think they are critical to life. I may not get a lot of things in life, but I understand how relationships work.

(Stay tuned because the new blog with my wife is coming real soon.)

What this blog isn’t. You won’t find a high and mighty condescending guy sitting here on my thrown telling all the dumb females of the land what is wrong with them and ignoring what I did to contribute to the problem. I am not going to talk about your issues when I am not walking as the man I was created to be. I have seen blogs where (male & female) will make comments to belittle someone and make themselves feel better about their own insecurities. I don’t sit here and try to magnify someone else’s problems to mask my own. Trust me, I got issues!! I even have a “I have issues” shirt in my closet. But one thing you can count on is I would never give anyone advice on this blog that I wouldn’t take myself. I am not going to go off about somebody not having the discipline to manage their finances, or continue education, or get out of debt to buy a house…in a tone almost as if I am disgusted…and I can’t manage the words coming out of my mouth, have the discipline to maintain a healthy weight, or hell even manage to sustain a lasting relationship. I have made a lot of mistakes with relationships in the past, and I am now blessed to be with a wonderful woman for over a decade. I am not an expert by any means, but I can recognize some of the foolishness I took part in, and if I can prevent someone from making a dumb mistake with a few words then I will.

With the popularity of blogs, social networks, facebook groupies / desperate cyber stalkers, it tends to be a bit overwhelming hearing peoples vastly different viewpoints. It is actually quite annoying, so I know I am not for everyone. I am not self-righteous nor do I bend the moral compass to ignore my faults while highlighting others. I am not one of those people that just randomly Googles scriptures to pretend I am something I am not. We all are works in progress, but some people tend to, as we used to say back in the day, put up a front.

I also won’t use this as a platform to express when my feelings are hurt. You know back in the day grandma (figure of speech) used to teach that family (relationship) business stays within the walls. If my wife and I are disagreeing, I promise no one else on this earth would ever know about it (especially not on a blog) because we established that early in our relationship. It amazes me how relationships go sour, and people will take cyber shots at one another. It is a sad trend, and it really is pointless because at the end of the day, what is done is done. I know it is hard when you sow into something/someone and dream of the possibilities…all to have it slam into a brick wall like a crash test dummy. But when it is over it is over. When the movie ends you don’t sit there after the credits staring at the blank screen dwelling on what was. You have to get up and move.

My friends all know me as one of the realest cats ever. As the youngens say in this era, keeping it 1hun. But I am also transparent and show empathy. I think all bloggers write from a passionate place. We use it as therapy to vent for whomever wants to listen. But at times in life things are peachy and we tend to intertwine a lot of emotion into it…sometimes emotion that could be hurtful and harmful to others. I understand how powerful words are so I am cognisant of this. It is never my intention to take shots or belittle anyone, but assist in deliverance from nonsense.

Sometimes people need to learn when/how to shut the hell up!!

I am currently in a meeting with some vendors politely ignoring every word. I have been staring at the door anticipating when I can bolt. Figured I’d do something productive with my time and try to blog (post) via cell phone. Please forgive typos.

I was talking to a friend of mine about preparing for a breakthrough. I shared my testimony about moving my family across the country and all the trials we went through. I explained that despite your circumstances, sometimes you have to use what you have and prepare (mentally, spiritually, physically, emotionally) so when the door opens, you’ll be ready. Like it to prepping yourself for a job interview. You go in prepared….anticipating what you don’t see…being optimistic, exercising faith, and believing in a positive outcome. No one goes to an interview trying NOT to obtain favor.

I joke a lot on this blog, but ultimately my goal is to share my life experiences and encourage. I know sometimes it looks like your situation will not change, but you can’t give up. Work with what you have, and prepare for (anticipate) a breakthrough.

“Plans are a bridge to your purpose.” ~ unknown author

I needed to do some work prior to work, therefore I purchased one of those tiny bottles of energy drink I have seen near store checkout. I carefully read the ingredients as I wanted to make sure my heart didn’t pound so hard I could hear it nor my flesh to become hot/flush (actual side effects).  Feeling exhausted and at a breaking point, I snapped the lid and took a swig. Ugh. Tasted like Kool-Aid made with Splenda. Had that same diet soda aftertaste that I can not stand. I manage to chug it so I can provide an assessment, while being pessimistic thinking it won’t work in minutes like the package states. I sat on the edge of my desk while reading, and didn’t realize how swiftly my legs were kicking. Thinking it was just exhaustion, I stood up. My foot began to pat vigorously. At this point thinking to myself…damn this stuff actually works. I start to drum on my desk like Travis Barker. No high hats, just straight snare solos. I tried to suppress my crackhead-ish jitters…which started with scratching like Tyrone Biggums…to being paranoid someone was behind me. At this point I knew I had to stop reading and get some of this energy out.

I managed to squeeze in a minor workout prior to coming to work. Famished and not in the vicinity of healthy food, I pulled into the local Sonic. Somehow everything on the left side of the menu seemed appealing, but I settled for a bistro sandwich. Parked my car and walked 5 blocks to work (downtown). For some reason I became focused on items on the ground, so as I maneuvered around dead leaves and bird droppings, this woman walked by talking to herself. She mumbled something and her breath smelled like she had been drinking stagnate toilet water. I had no idea why this –itty breath projected so far, but it was almost if she swallowed a log of digested food. Was it the energy drink? Did it somehow enhance my senses? I thought back to the first (and last) time in college I smoked with some crazy white boys in my dorm, and became so high when I played my football video game later that night I had to put the controller down because I thought I was in the game and didn’t want to get hurt. “Take me out coach!”

I get to work and unfortunately discover 5-Hour doesn’t suppress annoying co-workers; it intensifies them. My face began to hurt smiling at un-humorous attempt to be witty. Too dang early in the morning to be smiling…I been up practically all night. I have a brief fantasy of punching him with one of those oversized gimic boxing gloves…filled with marbles. On my way to a team meeting, I walk past this office and see an old school electric pencil sharpener and think to myself…WWPD – what would Pinocchio do? Was he the life of the puppet party? Did he get drunk and do dares? I could just hear them now, “Stick your nose in it P…I dare you!” My mind is all over the place at this point. How am I thinking about Pinocchio before 9am? I arrived at our team meeting, and I couldn’t help but to zone out until everything became a murmur. Bored out my mind, I had an urge to play musical chairs. I thought to myself, how cool it would be if we all turned into cartoons like the Dungeon’s and Dragons cartoon from the 80s, then we’d play musical chairs with the loser of each round falling through a trap door into a pit of alligators, and me standing on the table holding the conference phone over my head like Excalibur as the victor.

Even though I catch myself at times talking fast as John Moschitta Jr. (Micro Machines guy), the Sonic seemed to be watering down my high. What if I crash? What if at 4:59 I was wired, then at 5:00 on the dot I just passed out at my desk in the middle of a conversation…smacking my keyboard against the monitor with lazy arms.

My assessment? I guess overall I’d have to say it worked…being I typed this post in less than 5 mins. Wonder what would happen if I took one of these before sex? I’d probably morph into a chick afterwards and sit up TALKING about how I read the package, turned into a crackhead drummer who liked diet soda flavored caffeine drinks before working out and molesting a Sonic menu with his thoughts…shortly followed by giving a woman Listerine oral care suggestions in my mind while dodging bird crap in the sidewalk, reminiscing about college bongs…then scarfing down an unhealthy breakfast while avoiding unfunny jokes and visualizing a co-worker being knocked out by the old Mike Tyson, thinking about how Pinocchio kicked it in the wood hood once he turned 21 while playing musical chairs as a cartoon in a team meeting and wondering what ever happened to that Micro Machine guy?

I may have to lay off the caffeine.

Losing my patience is a funny topic because to all my friends, family I have always been Mr. Laid back. In my family (outside of my home) I have the most patience (have to dealing with those bastards) and try to mimic my grandmother who let the weight of the world roll off her shoulders and kept trucking. In my home, I tend to have more patience with the boys than my wife (of course because I am not there all day). And at my job, there is a running joke that I have the patience of Job due to the way I tend to deal with difficult customers (business line and end users). When asked how I do it, I always joke about having a house full of boys. If I can deal with them in a house with vaulted ceilings, then certainly I can deal with these frustrated users. Just walk a day with me and you’ll see why.

Lately Texass has been having an incredible heat wave. As a northern boy, it took me a while to get used to the heat. Literally so hot it makes you religious…because you know you can’t go to hell if it is hotter than Texas. Open your car after work and feels like you are standing in front of an oven full of Thanksgiving fixin’s.

I had already been frustrated this day for various reasons. I started the day waking up late. Drove for a little bit and felt I needed new brake pads…which the shop was too full to fit me in. I get to work and the streets were blocked for some convention. I am trying to merge over and got attacked by a gang of senior citizens in Crown Victorias. I escape to discover no parking and me having to pay for a lot. Worked like a Hebrew slave today on some Cognos reports, then left work to run a never-ending list of errands from not finding what I needed and traveling to 3 different stores, to prescriptions not being filled correctly.

On the way home there was a little bird in the road. As a teen I would speed up (the hell with you PETA), but as a adult I just keep my same speed. I have never hit an animal. It seemed like everytime a bird was in my path, God would send a wind to lift their wings up, so I thought today would be no different. Well this little bird must have missed the memo…thud…rest in tweet.

I get home hot, frustrated, back soaked from sweat, paranoid thinking this birds father was stalking me (still traumatized from watching Hitchcock’s The Birds when I was little). Walk through the door and see my 5yr old on the couch with an ice pack on his forehead. I ask my wife what happened, and she just shook her head. When things of this nature render her speechless it usually makes my blood boil because I know it has to be bad. I go look at my son and he looks like Haseem Rakmeen after the Holyfield fight. Ok, maybe I am exaggerating a lot…but he had a nice size cartoon knot on his head. I ask once more what in the hell happened, then he, she, heck one of em (at this point I was about to blackout and go into rage mode) told me his older brother slammed the door on him.

I suppose I have to pause and explain these brothers. My wife and I had the nerve to say we’d never have two kids in diapers and how horrible that would be, and don’t you know it happened. Back to back. They love each other to death, but couldn’t be more like night and day. I dub them the wonder twins. I joke with my wife about living with all guys because guys can fight, go at it, then be cool 10 mins later. The wonder twins, as small as 3 & 4, would go outside on the patio with chairs next to each other, and talk like Grumpy Old Men. Their bond is the funniest thing you ever want to see. Now ages 5 & 6 they STILL fight 90% of the time, but when they are just conversing, it is hilarious.

So as a parent, you often have to play Inspector Gadget because kids tend to pay attention when they aren’t supposed to (e.g. cursing while driving, smacking mom on the butt, etc). We always get on them for tattle telling about minuscule stuff, and teach them about taking care of one another. Then soon as something like this happens, it is the Usual Suspects…nobody wants to talk. I ask the 5-yr old why were they fighting, and he said, “I dunno.”

“I dunno?” I replied voice raising. “What in the hell does I dunno mean?”

Then I had to just laugh because I remember teasing my wife about her getting frustrated at them…and telling her that is just how guys are. There were other things too. My 2yr old pulled a pack off light bulbs off the table and broke on the kitchen floor, someone wrote on my office carpet with a permanent marker, somebody tagged (graffiti) my tote full of electronics in the closet, they moved all the icons on my PC desktop so I can’t find nothing (and I have serious OCD), and managed to break the leg on one of our kitchen chairs…just to name a few things. And this was a light day. Don’t get me started on the day I came home to a dent/hole in the living room wall because somebody didn’t properly strap on the Wii controller and it went flying.

If I can deal with these children terrorists daily, surely I can deal with people at work.

I found this video while browsing viral videos and find it hilarious because I am one of the few people on the earth (apparently) that don’t get the point in Twitter at all. As the cartoon states, it is – “Detached, bite-sized yippity yap!”

In any case, at least get to 13 seconds before closing…

I recall in my younger years there were lyrics to a song by Common that always stayed with me. He was telling a story of coming home from a long trip only to find out his home had been violated. Someone had stolen something from him. While on this journey home, he stated – In my mind home was pictured and rest was the frame.

The older I get, the more I appreciate peace. I define peace as the stillness in the moment after a storm. After the trials have passed and you can breathe a sigh of release. The euphoric feeling that allows you to relax and consumes your belly with contentment. There within lies a problem. Life is full of difficulties, so how do we manage stress and achieve this same level of contentment while in the midst of a troubling situation?

There is an old saying that every cloud has a silver lining. I never really understood the optimism in that statement even as a child…until I grew spiritually. One could say that statement simply states a disposition that one takes where they see and expect the most favorable outcome, regardless of the situation. If we say we walk by faith, then we really have to take this element of hope in an otherwise bad situation. As one site wrote, we must develop a hopeful or comforting prospect in the midst of difficulty.

While going through a storm, no one wants to hear about God’s purpose or plans for your life. Let’s be honest, you want immediate deliverance. Just keep in mind that there is always some hopeful aspect even in the gloomiest situation. It is all in your perspective. If you choose to see the situation for its face value, sometimes you will miss the underlying meaning. Focus on the things you do have versus what you lack, and open your mind to receiving revelation from your situation. Sometimes it just takes you stepping back and looking from a different perspective. What you thought you initially saw may not be the case.

Everyday I look for signs in my life and try to read into them God’s intentions. – King Silas, NBC Kings

Due to my workload it’s rare that I write a post on the weekends, but due to the fact this blog was created to share family stories and relationship thoughts, figured I’d write while I have a quick second. 

As far as the title, it is a personal joke I suppose. I am the candy hater in my house. If it weren’t for my wife, my kids probably would never have hard candy. Pet peeve I suppose, but I absolutely hate watching kids eat suckers. Dum dums, blowpops, it don’t matter – I hate seeing sticky hands.  That and I found the irony in the fact people frequently say I’m “dumb” from my attempts at e-mail humor. It has absolutely nothing to do with this post.

Yesterday I was shaving while listening to my 2yr old sing/dance to Hip Hop Harry when I thought to myself, “Why in hell did I buy these cheap razors?” I call myself budget shopping and bought disposable Gillette razors versus the regular Mach3. In all my years of shaving, I never used a disposable so didn’t realize how cheap they were. Not a good look for my scalp. Some things you can’t cheapskate on. Almost like the difference in eating cheap/generic Doritos. Just not the same. Distraught from my usually pleasant shaving experience, I came out of our bathroom to see these uncoordinated kid actors on Hip Hop Harry doing some dances I have never seen before. I am sorry, but children dancing badly is not cute. Poor things needed to be scolded, and all their dancing privileges revoked until further notice. I know I am not that old, but when did breakdancing become cool again? Heck I remember when I was my kids age we went to the movies to see Electric Boogaloo (now I am aging myself). Remember Turbo who looked like Tyson the model? Actually, my dude Pluv looks like Ozone (sorry bro – lol).  

Anyways, my wife had a meeting to go to, so it was me and the boys. We all watched a little NCAA (go Flyers), then watched Bolt. Looking over my tribe it made me thank God. I am not a millionaire or a guy with $300k sitting in the bank. My family has went through a lot, but I am thankful because I truly believe it brought us all closer. I never thought I would have this many children nor a wife to be honest. When I would see families this size I used to wonder how parents did it. Seemed like you would have a favorite or not love one as much. Or maybe that is what I figured my mother thought because of the other child she hatched. Now that I am in that position, it amazes me how God expanded my capacity to love. I can’t explain it, but right now I am looking over all of them (occupying every piece of furniture in the living room), and I love each one of them equally. I enjoy watching them interact, and love individual things about all of them.

I am in a spirit of thankfulness because I know there are people a lot worse off than I am. I am thankful for my health. I am thankful that in this economy I have a job. I am thankful we have food to eat, clothes on our back, and utilities paid. I am thankful that I am in a position to continue my education. I am thankful that I have been blessed with friends. I am blessed that I am allowed to lick and spank my best friend. Ok, maybe that didn’t come out the way I intended, but you get the point. My life is no where near peachy. I could literally pour my heart out in a post with the things we went through that would make someone tear up. But on the flip side of that coin, there are a plethora of people who would kill to be in my shoes. I won’t get all philosophical, but I am really trying to develop a thankful attitude towards life and enjoy every moment.  

I have determined that I will continue to spend my time learning and laughing. I have really been reassessing this blog thing. How I think at times it is beneficial, I don’t have the time to allocate to it like I want. In the coming weeks you will see me scaling back. I may possibly post once a week. I may post once every two weeks. I won’t give up completely, but there are more important things in life to me right now.

Well, it’s been real. Mrs is firing up the waffle iron as we speak. We found a recipe for Waffle House waffles, so we are attempting to recreate. Today I plan on eating like a fat gluttonous bastard, cranking up Pandora.com to cut these boys hair, then later on doing some work while watching my stellar NCAA picks comes to fruition. Heck, I may even let them eat suckers on the couch today. You never know. 

Have a blessed, safe, prosperous weekend!

JM

I recently fell victim to this Facebook fad. Locating past high school comrades a sense of nostalgia returned as I navigated through pages of old blackmail photos from the past. Leery about how much personal info is shared, my friends list is limited to people I went to school with, old co-workers and old church members. Out of agape love towards my wife and reverence to our union, I am very careful not to add any ex’s, people who were interested, friends of ex’s, or friends of people who were interested in being an ex. You get the gist. Problem is many people in relationships don’t set social networking boundaries, therefore places like Facebook and MySpace tend to be hookup spots…almost like an online club. This social network era is hilarious as I have seen people (literally) announce their divorce to family and friends by changing their relationship status. And what in the hell is up with people going from single to it’s complicated?? What in the heck is complicated about it? Or how about all the people that claim to have a man/woman but constantly are on others pages flirting? I am not condemning, but Facebook tends to be a hot mess a lot of times; a hot mess that could lead to some trouble down the line. Looking at the plethora of updates and reading wall boards, I started thinking about this new age in meeting/dating online. Since I have been married a decade, some online etiquette is foreign to me. I may just be old school, but if I had a daughter I would fear her sharing her information online…especially in the midst of all these stalkers.

Aside from profiles listing their cellular number, home addresses and alternate work e-mails, I find it utterly shocking how much detail people put on their status updates. Some people (female in general) will literally put when the arrive at work, eat lunch, on breaks, picking up kids, working out and where, and going to sleep. I guess they feel comfortable with their friends list, but it tends to be a bit TMI when you get 7-10 updates in one day. I think about how old school men used to stalk women by hiding in the bushes at her apartment or sitting in the car watching her go to work while drinking a 2% chocolate milk out the carton. Now they don’t have to do any work because women give up so much personal information to their whereabouts online. Which leads me to the second thing about this social network that shocks me more…women stalkers!

I absolutely can not believe how many females throw themselves all over men on these pages. Granted some of these dudes lead ‘em to the water, but geesh have some self-respect. Almost like they are pissing on a tree to mark territory. Thing is it is pointless piss because several other cats walking around the same tree trying to mark it. Utter nonsense to fight for a man’s attention. I looked through some of the of my old friends pages who are now scattered across the country…FL, GA, OH…and heck even in Spain. No matter where they are, these females in these various locations (and girls from our hometown) get on their wallboard DAILY sweating them trying to flirt and let their presence be known to other females. Anytime there is a post, update, anything…bam right there. It would be different if it were innocent ONE TIME posting, but this is straight up daily attention getting, full-bred online philandering. That is crazy to me to throw yourself at a man like that. I constantly warn my friends to leave these silly broads alone, but I have this saying – a guy is going to do whatever you let him do. Granted that is a cop out and men need to step up and be the men they were called to be, but I am just saying that as long as women set no boundaries and let guys get away with it, they are going to push the limits in everything they do, ask for, and how they treat you. Period!

I apologize for this post, but I have issues about women pursuing men, and how it damages future relationships. I have a theory on that I will explore later this year in a book. I think it is time for a social network fast in my household. They really are psychotic and waste time. And how I am saying this now, I probably will check mine at least twice before I go to sleep. lol.