MarriedandWhatnot

Day 2 of my blog via cell phone trials. This is actually my third attempt, and may possibly be my last (since others have complained about this app losing posts). Instead of sitting inside of a boring office meeting, today I am outside utilizing one of the ten breaks I intend on using today.

As I sit here listening to the ambient sounds of nature, I begin wondering what type flower this is? Wondering how long it took to mature? Wondering why women allow any man that gives them five seconds of attention the opportunity to de-flower them?

My wife and I often times discuss relationships, and try to discern the “why” behind peoples decisions. What in their past/present influences the bad/good choices they make? Why females (and heck males too) lower their standards and expectations? At the root level, what inside makes you feel the need to settle and compromise for a loser?

One of my fb friends posted a quote this morning. I am a fan of statements that make you perform a self-assessment, so I wanted to share. Definitely substance to mediate on.

“A woman’s heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her.” ~ Max Lucado

I am currently in a meeting with some vendors politely ignoring every word. I have been staring at the door anticipating when I can bolt. Figured I’d do something productive with my time and try to blog (post) via cell phone. Please forgive typos.

I was talking to a friend of mine about preparing for a breakthrough. I shared my testimony about moving my family across the country and all the trials we went through. I explained that despite your circumstances, sometimes you have to use what you have and prepare (mentally, spiritually, physically, emotionally) so when the door opens, you’ll be ready. Like it to prepping yourself for a job interview. You go in prepared….anticipating what you don’t see…being optimistic, exercising faith, and believing in a positive outcome. No one goes to an interview trying NOT to obtain favor.

I joke a lot on this blog, but ultimately my goal is to share my life experiences and encourage. I know sometimes it looks like your situation will not change, but you can’t give up. Work with what you have, and prepare for (anticipate) a breakthrough.

“Plans are a bridge to your purpose.” ~ unknown author

The older I get, the more I start to appreciate the journey, versus the destination. Recently I have grown fond of working on the lawn. It is trying, testing, grueling a times in this Texas heat, but rewarding nonetheless.

Last weekend I gathered some huge Flintstone type stones from a new housing development and attempted to arrange my flower bed. I took the leftover brick from our home build to outline the bed, and in the future plan on having my neighbor (son of a former brick mason) mortar it so it looks cleaner. Flowerbeds add character, but without healthy green grass the landscaped marriage is irrelevant. Who wants to be with some old lifeless, worn down grass?

I used to think lawn care was a simple as cutting the grass and watering the lawn, but I have learned that there are a lot of factors to take into consideration. How your grass behaves and grows heavily depends on your environment. Because of our region, we deal mainly with Bermuda & St. Augustine grass. To ensure my lawn thrives and is healthy, I make sure I use popular brand of seed/fertilizer.

A few weeks back I fought procrastination and finally applied some to our lawn. I used a broadcast spreader because it helps to spread seed evenly. It basically provides balance. Here are some of the benefits of seed:

- Feeds and strengthens against heat and drought.
- Kills weeds.
- Improves lawn’s ability to absorb water and nutrients.
- Builds strong, deep roots.

The problem with laying grass seed/fertilizer is you don’t see the results instantly. Takes cultivating – watering, trimming, removing dead areas. It is a constant cycle. You keep doing this until one day when you least expect it…you look back and notice the results. The bad areas are patched, the dead areas look alive, and the weeds are completely gone. It is alive and thriving. It parallels life.

I was listening to an old sermon where he went on a tangent about how some people live 30, 40, 50 years and continue to make the same stupid mistakes/excuses they made when they were younger. I understand his frustration. People always want to complain that they were tricked or bamboozled, yet don’t want to accept one iota of responsibility for how they manipulated to get into the situation. It is always somebody else’s fault. At what point do you get tired and want a change? At what point do you basically grow up and stop making excuses? At what point do you look at the common denominator in situations/relationships and understand that it is YOU not them?

I don’t mean to come across foul, but I get sick and tired of foolishness. Between family, friends, work and social networks, I am discovering people whine about everything. Hell, everyone’s life is hard. GET OVER IT!! I guess that is why I chuckled when I read the article about the old Chinese man who was tired of a guy contemplating suicide on a bridge, and pushed him off. I don’t blame him…I can’t stand drama either. Point is, no one has the ideal life, but we constantly fantasize about being in someone else’s shoes. The grass is always greener on the other side…pun intended. You spend all your time wanting to be celebrity, meanwhile the celebrity just wants peace and privacy. You spend all your time wanting to be in her shoes as his wife, but don’t want to make the sacrifices she made to be in her position. You spend all your time feeding her pipe dreams wanting her to fulfill your every selfish desire, but don’t want to step up and take responsibility to be the unselfish man God created you to be. You spend all your time complaining about your meager position in corporate America, but then don’t want to dedicate your spare time to higher education or additional certifications.

In all these situations, you have to assess what you really want. You can continue to just water and cut the grass and do nothing else with your life, or you can get some good seed and grow to the next level. May look like you will never get that promotion, or get through school. You feel like you will never get out of debt, or get a new car, or purchase a home. May feel like you will never find that right someone. Sometimes we are just not in the ideal situation, but we have to make due with what we have. You have to be persistent and consistent, but let me clarify that foremost you have to be wise…and wisdom only comes from Him. Without wisdom you can consistently and persistently do the wrong thing. Having wisdom means you recognize your limitations (e.g. my inability to lay mortar for the brick border). Wisdom means discerning when a door is shut and you need to stop tugging on it. Wisdom is recognizing some things in life are weeds that we need to pull up from the roots and completely discard.

Learn your environment and how to effectively grow there. Get yourself around a good broadcast spreader…those who will sow into you and help provide that balance. Develop a pattern of cultivating and pruning. Water yourself with things that will provide you with the nutrients to grow, versus staying in the past and tugging on closed doors (e.g. your feelings being hurt and still contacting/stalking an ex). You really get this Word seed in your spirit, then you will protect yourself in a drought. It will fill that void you have in times when you are tempted. Put yourself in a position to develop strong roots, and before you know it, your vision will manifest. That is when you can look back and enjoy the fruits of your labor. That is when you receive your breakthrough and understand the importance of your journey. In the end, the grass may look greener, but people have no clue what you went through to get your harvest.

Last night I watched one of my favorite pre-recorded shows on DVR (4th and Long). I like this show because it is about perseverance, getting second chances, and doing whatever it takes to achieve your goal. When the show was over I began doing some work on my laptop. My son had the station tuned on some station to watch wrestling, and after it went off  apparently some cheesy action movie came was on that I paid no attention to. I finished my work and laid on the couch to rest for a second, and realized this flick was one of Steven Seagal’s new films.

Immediately I began to laugh. For those who don’t know, Steven Seagal has been making martial arts/action movies since the late 80s. My ex Navy bro-in-law used to be a fan, so when I was younger we’d sit and watch flicks like Above The Law and Out for Justice. We never watched for the plot or acting; merely for the action (e.g. pool balls to the head). Next to Rudy Ray Moore (Dolemite), Steven Seagal is arguably one of the worst actors in our era.

I sat there in awe as I couldn’t believe he was still doing the same thing. It was apparent this was a direct-to-video movie, but the same premise nonetheless. As I watched him attempt to recreate a Cajun accent (which was absolutely hilarious) I thought to myself – I laugh, but this guy actually has the key to success in life. Steven is not the best at what he does. Acting is not his forte whatsoever, but he is good at martial arts. He basically worked with what he had…what he loved…what he was good at…and created a niche in the market. In essence, Steven Seagal discovered his purpose in life. No matter what people (critics) said to discourage him, he remained persistent and diligent at pursuing his goals…and 21 years from his first movie he still stands.

Discovering your purpose is one of the hardest things to do in life because people (friends, family, co-workers) tend to discourage you. You have to fight through peoples opinions for what you should be doing with your life and do what you feel you have been led to do. Once you discover that purpose, remove all excuses, then be diligent and relentless in the pursuit. No matter what you do in life…whether that be education, exercise, saving money, or rebuilding relationships…consistency brings about results.

Who would have ever thought you could extrapolate revelation from a Steven Seagal flick?

I actually wrote this post in two parts sense I felt it was sort of long. If visiting the post directly, click here to view part I.

This post was not intended to be a female bashing session because foolishness is a two-way street. Guys will sit here and use a female for their own selfish agenda, then get mad when things go belly up as well. They want the benefits of sex, with none of the consequences. Watch one of those Maury shows. I haven’t seen one in years, but I am quite sure the formula hasn’t changed. A guy gets hurt that he has a baby by a chick he merely viewed as a pleasure receptacle, then turns around like, “Maury, that baby ain’t mine. She’s a ho, a tramp, a slut, a batch. She smashed all the homies!”

I sit here thinking to myself…you knew she was superhead before you skinny dipped in camp crystal lake, so why did you continue? We (men) need to start being more accountable for our actions and stop deferring the blame. This is a lesson I am branding into my sons even at an early age. If you don’t want to be bothered with a female, don’t lead her on. Period. Don’t use her for sex, or companionship, or conversation, or food, or money, or anything of the sort. Don’t even be nice and lie. If you don’t want somebody, make it apparent and don’t leave loose strings to go back to.

Men tend to have exit strategies, or what I call the west coast offense. The west coast offense is an offensive philosophy which broke the norm at the time it was introduced by stretching the defense out using a horizontal passing attack. I won’t get much into the theory, but once you start learning the offense there are a series of check-downs the QB is taught; with the RB always being a last resort to dump the ball off. Men employ this west coast offense with women. The game has evolved. Men set up the field to keep women on their toes and always have an outlet to fall back on; thus the reason communication lines are not cut. I have always told my wife no matter how crazy an ex is, if you really want someone out of your life you will make it so they are not part of your life.

One of the things we are stressing with our sons is to leave females alone if you don’t like them. Don’t even be nice because females take things differently. Your smile and trying to be nice could be a sign to her you want to leave your woman and marry her. Seriously. My wife can explain this a lot better than I am trying to articulate, but women by their very nature are incubators. They are constructed to give birth. So once you (as a man) says something to a woman it sits there and incubates. That is why an argument is NEVER over with a woman. That is why when a woman becomes silent you should be worried (lol). That is why it is important we are careful what we say to women. You can’t tell a girl you love her, then renege. Their brains don’t work in the same manner ours does. Once you say something, it is too late to play cleanup. Women tend to take things, run with it, and manipulate it to their liking. Then we wonder why we have a psycho on our hands.

Of course I can’t blame them. Look at how we have evolved as men. How we treat them. How we pimp them out on magazines and movies, and hell in life. How we ignore their needs and do what is in our own best interest. Man to man, we have been acting like jackasses.

This relationship thing is not as hard as we make it out to be. We just get impatient and move when our instinct tells us to stand still. Sometimes I think God looks at us and says, “You don’t know me!” then removes hand. Then we wonder why everything is so chaotic. Almost like having a hard-headed child that you keep telling to stop running in the kitchen. One day you get tired of telling him to stop…then he slips and busts his tail.

I don’t subscribe to the notion that – I didn’t know. I didn’t know he/she was like that. I didn’t know he/she was crazy. Boo. You knew, but chose to ignore because your desire (personal need) was greater than what you know you discerned from the beginning. My wife always preaches/teaches about choice. Everything in life boils down to a choice. Yes, you have a choice in every situation. You can choose to surf the internet and stay on social networks all day or choose to read a book, develop your mind and invest time wisely. You can choose to eat junk food and not exercise, or choose to eat healthy and attempt to be fit. You can choose to know and learn the person you are dating before you sleep with them, or choose to ignore the signs and simply – do you. You can choose to accept foolishness in relationships, or choose to move past it and walk towards your purpose. It is all a choice.

“You don’t know me!!” – A common emotional phrase that when spoken, usually signifies frustration and anger. But this post is not about urban linguistics…this post today is about male/female relationships. I have no idea how it feels to be single, so these comments are strictly observational. I am the first to admit that I attempt to show empathy, but I have short tolerance for ignorance.

I have not had to date for well over 10 years now (thank the Lord) so I still approach this new culture and e-dating with naivety. When I courted my wife we still had pagers, still had the curly antennas on the back windshields of cars, and had the cell phones that became so hot you thought your ear lobe would keloid. E-mail was not popular or common and heck many people I knew didn’t even have computers. I grew up in the era where you called your girl, let it ring twice, hung up, then called back. We had codes (this was before caller id). A lot has changed since then in the way we communicate. Social networks appear to be the new high school now. You have cliques, you hear gossip, and now you even receive breaking relationship news. It is normal now to find out who is divorced, separated, or is going through a breakup via electronic means. Blows my mind to read Facebook statuses and blogs and watch two people verbally (subtly) fight one another over the affection of a third. Not teenagers…adults.

The other day I watched this show on MTV where stupid parents take their kids to speak with Dr. Drew so he can warn them about the irresponsible path they are traveling down by having sex (ironic that most of the advice for teens should also be adhered to by adults). This episode was a single mom and her promiscuous son. It was apparent his lack of enthusiasm for a relationship was due to watching his mother ruin two marriages. They created a focus group comprised of his peers (young teen girls). They put in a video of this guy flirting and bragging about how easy it is for him to have girls play his meat trumpet to see their reactions. At the end of the video they invited the young man in the room and gave him their opinions.

My wife and I sat there shaking our heads as it was obvious how hurt these girls were in previous relationships by their reactions. I turned to my wife and told her, “The sad part is they are expending all this energy lashing out, but these are the same girls who would mess with him. They know he is not about anything but I guarantee 10 out of the 12 in that room would blow some notes on his meat trumpet once the cameras turn off.” This evolved into a discussion about how women see that a guy is not about anything, but still continues to move forward. Women (all ages) see numerous signs, but chose to ignore them because they think they know everything. A woman will straight ignore the advice from a man, telling you how men think, but will run to whomever will pacify them and justify their nonsense. Females are quick to say – he led me on, he was a different person, he said he loved me – when they knew what he was about before they dove into the relationship. It’s like a girl getting pregnant by a man with 9 kids, then getting mad when he doesn’t stay around. You knew the pattern before you got involved, but you were so smart and thought you could manipulate the situation. And for the professional women out there with no kids shaking their heads in agreement, this isn’t just a babymoma thing. Grown, educated, professional women still make the same stupid mistakes with men in relationships by forcing a hand that didn’t exist. You can have more degrees than a thermometer and still be stupid when it comes to relationships.

There was another that came on called College Life. These college kids have cameras and document their freshman year; frustrations, relationships, etc. The one female has a (too long to type) relationship with her ex boyfriend. While talking into the camera about the disgust of this estranged fellow, she broke into a tearful prayer. Why is it we deliberately ignore God’s word concerning relationships, but then it goes belly up and we want to scream, “Lord why have you forsaken me? Please kill his new girlfriend in a car crash with the USPS truck, then make him have a series of mild heart attacks…but not enough to kill him. Just enough for him to realize I am the one for him. I walk by the shadow of the valley but meditate on your heart and by your stripes I declare victory over this new chick!”

I joke, but it is not even funny. The problem is this new era of technology where everyone can mask who they really are. Lying wasn’t just invented this past decade, but being able to create your cyper personna is like Pinocchio with no growing nose. People posting pictures from 15 years ago, folks lying about their age, social status and beliefs. Heck, everyone could technically say – you don’t know me. I believe most new relationships fail due to these false pretenses. These fake identities. When it boils down to it, both men and women tend to be (little white) liars, selfish & manipulative in new relationships in order to fill whatever void they need at that point in their life. Everybody wants to do what feels good in the moment. The problem is the consequences of bad choices. Being with the wrong person can completely alter your destiny.

To be continued…

Most of my buddies know I have an affinity for Kung-Fu / martial arts flicks. My ex-bro-in-law was in the Navy and had a closet full of tapes he acquired from overseas. I’d visit their home when I was younger and sit there watching all types of dubbed martial arts flicks. Of course he had recognizable names like Bruce Lee & Jackie Chan, but I liked the older joints with subtitles. I am not really a fan of Crouching Tiger, but prefer the cult classics like 5 Deadly Venoms, Wu-Tang Clan collection, Shaolin Monk flicks, White Lotus and most of Jet Li’s older movies (e.g. The Tai Chi Master).

A few years ago, one of my friends was in a mood to give a thoughtful gift, so he bought me a Samurai Sword letter opener. I recently located this in an old tote, and nested it on my computer desk behind the monitor and the blue lava lamp from college (yes I said lava lamp, don’t hate).

Last night I am on my pc trying to design a campaign poster for my oldest son. Midway into my design session, the 5yr old (#3) walked in and said, “Daddy can I sit on your lap while you do your work?” Usually annoyed by his persistence, I was amused by his smile so I obliged.

I have to pause here to tell you this brief story. A couple nights ago my office looked like a hurricane aftermath. Children’s school papers, bills, junk mail, magazines, weights, CDs, hats, routers…I mean it was a mess. I waited until everyone was sleep and began cleaning. In the midst of tearing envelopes without looking at the contents, in walks my 5yr old to talk my head off. He starts drawing letters and pictures on some scrap paper (which I now discover was an important bill) then out the blue he blurts out, “And Daddy, sometimes when everyone goes to sleep I am up by myself and I sometimes get scared because I hear noises and I cover my head with the sheet and go to sleep.”

Mind you this kids imagination trumps mine on a good day and he starts every sentence with – and Daddy. I respond to the little peanut head child, “You’re not scared so stop saying that. It is nothing but the ice maker.”

He draws a bit more then continues his thought, “And Daddy sometimes when I go to sleep I have nightmares about the big KingKongGorillaMonster coming to get me and the KingKongGorillaMonster is bad and I don’t want the KingKongGorillaMonster to get me so I tell it to leave me alone.”

He said that sentence with at least 12 more words added and without taking a single breath. And yes, KingKongGorillaMonster is all one word. All I could do was laugh.

Back to last night. I am designing stuff for my oldest while little Picasso is busy vandalizing our electric bill with graffiti. In the middle of his artistic expression, he discovers the letter opener which has been sitting there for several months now. I immediately think (censored) – Oh Lord, I need to go hide that joker now before he cuts his brother. As a parent, and especially one with all boys, your brain visualizes the absolute worst case scenario. I mean sometimes these visualizations have the equivalent over-the-top blood splatter of a Kill Bill movie. Anything from them falling through the patio glass head first, to getting their hands chopped off in the garbage disposal. Or maybe them throwing a football into the street, a car slamming on the brakes, flipping ten times while taking out two squirrels until it explodes at the end of our cul-de-sac sending up a mushroom cloud of smoke. Then we’d get sued for everything we have by the homeowners association as well as the family of the driver and up selling all our furniture on Craig’s List just to make ends meat. I guess that’s why I have so many grey hairs stressing and fussing and making sure they are safe and don’t do stupid things (like I did when I was younger). I always thought I’d be a cool Dad, and I am to a certain extent, but as a daddy you find yourself constantly scolding them from running in the house and jumping off furniture, to wrestling moves and body punches they deliver.

So #3 pulls this beautifully crafted Samurai sword it out the sheath and I swear it made the “sha-ching” sound just like the Kung-Fu flicks. He gently placed it back, and withdrew it once more admiring his reflection in the blade. At this point I am at that bad parenting place where it is late, you are tired, and don’t have the energy to fuss. I figured I’d let him play with it for a second, then hide it in my closet never to be seen again. In my purgatory state of good parenting (helping one son with school) and bad parenting (ignoring the other) I lean forward and don’t you know that pointed lil bastard of a sword almost sliced my nose. I immediately grabbed and put it up before my nasal septum resembled Amy Winehouse.

I sat there thinking what would have happened if he really cut me? Imagine me going to work the next day with a band-aid holding that little flap of nose together. My co-workers asking me what happened and me responding, “Oh nothing serious. I just got my nose sliced by a KingKongGorillaMonster dreaming 5-yr old toting a mini Samurai Sword.”

My wife just had our 5th son, so I have been trying to help out around the house as much as I can (insert sympathy here).  Washing clothes, cleaning, cooking…whatever I can so that she can heal. My employer was nice enough to allow me to work from home this week and I don’t have a problem doing any of these things for my wife, but hell…these kids are driving me insane.

Our baby is really good. Him a cute lil thing (funny how babies make you talk silly). He is a really good baby that just wants to be fed, changed and held. But heck, who doesn’t? He is not the problem…it is the others. We give our children ALL crazy attention, and they really love the baby and spoil him. It is just the normal brother wrestling, fighting, annoying each other thing.

My brain is too much ooze to recall all the events from yesterday, let’s just say I woke up trying to rush to others off to school. Oldest two can get up, make themselves oatmeal, it is all gravy. Youngest two are a different story. Them and my wife started throwing shoes and remotes at me telling me to cook or else. I had to manage that, in-between taking calls at work (seemed like my Blackberry would not shut the hell up). I am cleaning the kitchen trying to cook and bam…out of Cascade. Of course my pre-historic brain wouldn’t remotely think of hand washing all this stuff. In my household due to the size, one meal could employ a small cleaning staff. I worked around it and prepared a nice size breakfast (yes I can get down when needbe).  My 2-yr old lil terrorist said, “Ummm” which made me feel a tad bit better. Like hell at least he is enjoying it.

Had a couple meetings they made me dial into, constant calls, steady work…meanwhile kids fighting in the tub, diapers leaking, spilled milk on the carpet…just one thing after a freaken other. I am on a conference call with my BB on speaker answering questions when they called my name and I was paying no attention…meanwhile I am simoutaneously rubbing lotion on my 2 year olds butt (fresh out the tub).  Meeting ended and did a little bit more work, cleaned my office a little bit while joking around with the mrs (I swear I need to get snipped asap before we end up with a #6), then took a quick shower. Had to run to the store to get some items for dinner and more importantly dish detergent. Rushed home before the older two got in, then almost ran this guy off the road a block from home daydreaming about all I need to do before days end. Guy pulls in front of my house right behind me, so I am thinking aw hell…wrong day bruh. Well this wasn’t a road rage incident, but a nice surprise. Guys at work bought my wife one of those edible fruit arrangements. Come put it on the table while I bring the rest of the groceries in. Two little ones surround it and stare like there are leo diamonds inside. Smallest keeps asking for an apple…which was his way of saying ‘pineapple.’

Fast forward. Guy I used to coach with was going to pay for some tickets for us to see his son play (spring football). My schedule was already stacked, and I had two reports that my mgr asked me for earlier that day. I had to throw a stall tactic telling him I would have in his inbox first thing in the am. In the meantime I had to prepare dinner, get the kids dressed…oh and did I mention I had to register #3 for kindergarten?

We eat, I take #3 to school and get hit with…not exaggerating…44 million questions from this kid – So will I start school tomorrow? Where is my bus? What am I going to do? This school thing confuses me. What will I be doing? So I start school next week then? Will I see my teacher? I mean literally this went on for the hour we were there. This is the most inquisitive child ever. By this time in the day my brain was slowly seeping out my ears. I could just ear my wife chuckle from miles away as she sent me off with this folder of birth certificates and shot records to register him. I should have known from the smirk on her face.

I walk in there, and I swear kids were swarming like red ants; coughing, sneezing, no hands covering their mouths all shapes and sizes red ants. Seemed like every other woman was pregnant too. Yes, we get down in TX We go in, and they give us this packet to complete. Went over to a kids lunch table to begin filling out this stack of papers longer than a mortgage application. I am immediately pissed because I absolutely HATE writing (I type everything). Looking at the clock trying to time how long it will take and if we will make it to the game on time. I look at these forms and between the noise and my hand cramping, I felt like kicking one of these kids square in the their shirt logo…with soft clown shoes on of course. I rushed through, took over to another table to get his shot records validated, then stood in another long line to turn everything in. I am sitting here like a retard hearing my wife’s voice in my head scold me about not letting them keep the originals and to make copies…trying to remember all this stuff  so I don’t get my tail reamed later in the midst of 200 screaming kids whose parents apparently have discovered some way to mute the volume and ignore them.

Copies were made, and I can say this part of the day was my favorite. I walked my son around the school and showed him his brothers lockers. Ended up running into some teachers who knew my oldest son and each one glowed and went on and on about how sweet he was. Parenting is a duanting task and sometimes you think what is the point? You are not listening anyway. You win you little booger! Then you have someone rant and rave about your children and it makes you feel good. Like well at least something stuck.

We left, went home to pick up 1, 2 & 3 then headed to the game. Felt it would be a nice detox and a way for mrs to get some rest while we were gone. I call my buddy to get directions. He bluntly told me, but I must have processed wrong. I was driving about 10 miles in the wrong direction. Good thing he called me because I was headed towards another city. We finally make it and besides my smallest one putting his hands on the steps then attempting to suck his finger minutes later, my kids were pretty good. We watched this other team whip on his team, but it was good to get out and get some fresh air. We also got to see a nice campus. Texas football stadiums are no joke!!

After making all the kids wash their hands thoroughly, king of the plum plum pickers made all the kids clean the house prior to taking a bath. Baby (nickname for #4) kept asking for apple, so after they cleaned for a while I pulled her arrangement out the fridge and gave them some skewers. As soon as I pulled off a strawberry or pineapple for one of the others, baby would have his hand out like he wanted another. I looked and noticed he didn’t have anything on his napkin, and realized this little monkey was eating the entire strawberry…leaf and all. I sat and watched him plop the entire thing in his mouth. I couldn’t do anything but laugh. My oldest (who talks just as much as #3) started telling me about this kid he goes to school with whose father eats orange peels. Guess my kid is not that strange after all.

I fell into the recliner and felt my ankles swelling. I am sitting here like what the hell? Am I growing breasts? I am all tired and feel like crying and complaining. Is 2% milk coming out this joker? I didn’t squeeze to check, but my goodness. My wife deserves a salary for all she does. This Mr. Mom crap is out of control. I can do the cleaning because I am a dictator and make the kids do it. Besides mothers tend to be control freaks and daddy’s have to come behind and cut the cord. They need to know how to clean up. I had these boys scrubbing their bathroom the other day. I REFUSE to clean that crap. The cooking part is what annoys me. Seems like they eat every freaken 2 hours. Where do they put all that food? Then there are the little things. Baby (#4) always asking for purple (his way of saying grape Kool-aid) and the other asking for stuff ALL DAY LONG – Daddy can I get on the big computer? Daddy can I have fruit snacks? Daddy purple? Daddy I pee-pee. Daddy he hit me. Daddy can we go to the park? Daddy you going to work? Daddy can I hold baby? Daddy how to you spell pizza party pick-up? Daddy do we have to take the baby back to the doctor?

Safe to say I have an pretty normal day. I at least had the foresight to set my alarm for midnight because I knew I would pass out watching the Cavs smash ATL and I needed to turn those reports in (which are time consuming). I have always said that jobs I worked that are mentally strenuous take a bigger toll on you than jobs requiring physical exertion. I could argue that a call center job in a lot of ways is tougher than a construction job (worked both as a teen). Being a stay at home mom/dad is mentally exhausting. I was on messenger with my dude Juggernaut earlier, and I told him the kids had me sitting at my computer desk fresh out a shower half naked…taking breaks standing in front of the window staring out at the lawn while drinking herbal tea with one hand on my waist trying to remember if I put deodorant on or not. My mind was so far gone, I just can’t remember if I had a towel on or not.

When I was in my early 20s, I had a problem that I mentioned to my grandmother. In turn, she told me if I thought that problem was tough, to keep on living. Of course at that age you don’t get it, but I have seen so much since then. I realized that just because people smile doesn’t mean everything is ok in their lives. The person you work with may be going through things your wildest dreams couldn’t imagine. Folks always look at your situation like it is peachy, but the flip side of this coin is something else.

My wife and I were expecting our 5^th child…dubbed ‘The Finale.’ With this last pregnancy, I have had a lot of time to reflect on life. Not so much the in-between, but the before and after; birth and death. I don’t share much about my past, but safe to say I have spent a fair share of time in the hospital. Aside from child birth, my mother worked in a hospital, so bring your kid to work day was exciting and I felt like part of her work family. When I was in my teenage years, she had a stroke and was hospitalized in this same hospital, so I spent a good time within the walls of medical establishments growing up.

Whenever I enter a hospital, I subconsciously associate things from my earlier years there. Granted it was a scheduled induction (wife) versus ICU (mom), but these memories resurfaced because of a call I received yesterday notifying me my cousins wife (late 30s) had a stroke and temporary memory loss. It immediately took me back to that era in my life, and during this visit I couldn’t help but parallel my current experience with my past.

For those who don’t have children, there is a lot that goes on in your head. A lot of self-reflection. You also are consumed with selfish thoughts. What would happen worst case scenario, how would you maintain. From there your drifts into a silent prayer for the mother’s health, and the child. That there is no tearing, minimal pain, quick delivery, no cords wrapped, no abnormalities, all the toes, fingers…you get the point. With my mother I thought some of the same selfish thoughts – what about my kids not having a grandmother, or her making me my favorite dish, or me making her laugh. You say a prayer begging God in the same manner that healing takes place.

When my mother was admitted, I remember her saying, “Jay, help me” in an attempt to turn on her side. She was seeking comfort after her stroke in route to a coma…while one breath closer to death. I assist my wife with her comfort as she is experiencing extreme labor pains. They say this is the closest experience a women comes to death…but unlike my mother’s situation this was to bring about life. As a husband you feel anxiety and concern, however with this being our 5^th time I had a calm demeanor and faith everything would be ok. A level of faith I didn’t have at that young age. A level of faith that comes about with time and experience and life. A level of faith I wish I had with my mother.

They come in and ask you a series of questions that seems to get longer each time. Everything from your history of hypertension and cancer in your family, to bi-polar disorder. She went through the list and there was no HIV, STD, HPV, OPP (yea you know me). The questioning is extremely intrusive and annoying, but I understand why they ask.

The next part is the plucking. Stick you here, stick you there. As long as we have been together, I have NEVER seen a nurse find my wife’s vein on the first try. We have told each nurse this over the past decade, but each one is so arrogant/confident they ignore our warning. This one particular nurse bothered me because she acted like her years of experience trumped the Carmen Sandiego vein. She was talking to us like we were some dumb plum plum picker or something – pokey wokey, stickey wickey. What the?? I just shook my head in disbelief as she kept trying (failing) and made comments like “be still” to mask her incompetence and inability to perform her job. She finally got it to stick, then we were introduced to a new nurse. She was nice, but had that Palin, Fargo, Life with Louie, northwestern (or wherever that is from) type accent. At least it made me laugh inside and she seemed to be a ginuine person.

At this point there is an IV running, pitocin, heck something else…then time for the epidural. Now this is the one area that makes me uneasy. I silently pray the entire time because I don’t really trust anyone messing with your spine, but it is a must-have for her pain. I stand between her legs as they dangle off the side of the bed. She buries her head in my chest placing her sweet smelling hair under my nose while arching her back out so the anesthesiologist can prepare the catheter. I am trying to comfort her by kissing her on the top of the head, and gently stroking her IV taped hand with my thumb. This airhead nurse asked me if I would be ok and if I needed a chair. I told her I did not need a chair, and I would be fine. She puts this chair behind me regardless. The guy does the procedure. It is a prick, followed by an intense burning sensation. A pain (situation) that seems like it will last forever, but when it passes there is that stillness after the storm. After that, the wife usually releases her grip from her husband’s broken hand and can relax. So the procedure is done and I go to back up, and this chair is right under my heel. She apologizes, but says she has seen men faint. Like look you dumb heifer, I have 4 kids. If I haven’t fainted before…I swear people need to start listening. I almost busted my t-bone tripping back over that chair. I should have kicked it back into her shin.

While standing there you look at your wife…who at this point doesn’t care if the entire world sees her rear end because she is ready to push the baby out. You fight between being jealous, yet understanding. The aromas of hospitals I wish I could erase from memory. From the pungent tincture of iodine odor to the smell of tape. I find it weird that smell spark nostalgic feelings with a range from joy & excitement…to despair and heartache. I have also become overly sensitive to the sounds of machines. From the thump of the baby’s heartbeat monitor and buzz of the automatic blood pressure cuff, to the whishing sound of the mechanical ventilator, every sound is intense. When you have a loved one in ICU every beep makes your blood pressure rise. You wish for the best, but always expect the worst. So whenever I hear a beep, or it fades or slows down…I immediately start praying.

The medicine starts to work and the mrs tries to get some rest. As you sit there, you assess the room and see what has changed. With most things…some things change, some remain the same. Some things are new that didn’t exist with our other child such as flat screens and wi-fi. At almost every hospital I have ever been to, I have encountered 3 personality types: extremely nice/helpful, condescending, incompetent (made it through med school with a C average).

I look over at my wife, and feel bad because I am strangely turned on. She looks so good to me, and sexy. Nothing sexier than a strong, smart woman. I am looking at her, and think…boy she must really love me. Either that, or my mushroom vest (Boomerang). I immediately make a mental note to email my friend for his vasectomy doctor before we end up back here. I had already been kissing her on her neck earlier

I started watching CNN and there are a plethora of depressing stories. Starts with the swine flu paranoia, then flips to a story about a gator under a car at some dealership in Florida. Straight from the wtf department there was a guy in the Nasty Nati dressed as a super hero trying to make citizens arrest, and a story about a plane flying low over NY. I see some other news blip about Obama’s 100^th day in office…which to me seems like they might as well say “Countdown – 1286 days till we can get this negro out of office.” Did we ever do this with other presidents? Heck maybe we did (Reagan) and I just didn’t care before. In any case, my mind is all over the place and I sit and wonder if anyone on this earth thinks Nancy Grace is attractive, and why is Kim Kardashian trying to do a fitness video when she doesn’t know what in the hell she is talking about? In the words Office Space, she is an A-Clown.

I am looking at all this nonsense on television wondering what type of world my son will have to deal with, versus being at the hospital with my mom looking at the news but not hearing one solitary word…wondering why God is doing this to our family. At this point, I started to become thankful. Thankful for the life my mother had, thankful for the life that was on the way. Thankful for each moment I take for granted. I refuse to keep whining and crying and sulking because things are picture perfect or the way I thought they would be at this age in my life. Yes, life doesn’t seem fair at times, but it comes to a point where you are either going to make a change or not. You are either going to focus on the good and move forward, or keep looking back trying and not go anywhere. I have learned nobody on the earth really cares about you more than yourself, so throwing tantrums and pity parties doesn’t help anything.

I won’t be too graphic with delivery, but it went pretty fast. One push and baby was out. They clip, snip, pass the baby off. One cleans, other doctor works on pulling the embryonic sac out. No tearing this time, so easy work for the doc. Baby gets wiped down (yuck) and they put him under the french fry warmer. They place the little cap on his head, and I hold him and pray over him intensely. Over his life, decisions, the path he takes. That his borders be expanded and he exceeds what I could have ever imagined. I speak power into his life, and despite the current circumstances I pray God grants us favor in cultivating him to fulfill his destiny.

I often joke about strength of a man. My wife says guys are cry babies when they get sick, and I know this is true but my ego forces me to rebut claiming if we had babies, we wouldn’t cry. We have a higher threshold for pain, and would just suck it up. Lol. Truth is we are on two different playing fields. A woman’s strength is unparallel. I have the utmost respect for women and what they go through.

The birth of my son and this last visit to the hospital caused me to reflect on life. It is such a beautiful, miraculous thing that truly fascinates me. How something is concealed, yet protected and nourished for 9 months inside before it comes to fruition to begins life. When I think about the frustrations many people have in life, it seems it leads back to visions they are trying to birth. The problem is we all want the baby without going through labor & delivery. And in some cases, we are trying to deliver too soon when we need to incubate our vision a little longer.

After my wife delivered the baby and they cleaned the room, one of the nurses joked about the excessive use of tape. From the IV, to the epidural. I thought about how there are (seasonal) things in life like tape that helps us in a bad situation (e.g friendships, circumstances). It doesn’t bind us, but it is there to temporarily hold/assist us. Not meant for a permanent fix, but may be meant to guide you back on the right path. Problem is most people are reluctant to any outside evaluation, or to the idea this actually may be the path God wants you to be on.

Looking at my wife in the hospital, I realized that I am thankful for the tape, tears & fears in my life. Even though it is natural to not want to go through things, faith makes fear non-existent. Look back over your life at some of the things you thought you’d never make it through. It hurt, it made you cry, but it made you stronger. I have been through a lot of pain in life, but I’d be foolish to say I haven’t experienced an equal amount of good. I have met wonderful people, seen wonderful things and ushered wonderful people into this earth. I have been blessed where people would die to be in my shoes, and I chose to continue my walk being thankful versus angry and frustrated.

Each one of us has our own trials, and I am not saying these issues don’t hurt. Some of us have seen dreams fail, visions deferred. I understand the frustration, but what I am saying is some things are trivial in comparison. Sulking and looking backwards doesn’t help you to move forward. Learn from your mistakes, use that incubation period wisely, fight through the labor pains because they don’t last forever, and strive to have a thankful spirit so you can enjoy life.

I found this video while browsing viral videos and find it hilarious because I am one of the few people on the earth (apparently) that don’t get the point in Twitter at all. As the cartoon states, it is – “Detached, bite-sized yippity yap!”

In any case, at least get to 13 seconds before closing…