MarriedandWhatnot

Hey folk! I took a brief hiatus to get my head straight and priorities in order. Forgive me in advance for todays blog.  A few days ago my friend told me that he felt he was running on a treadmill while others were passing him by. It is a difficult part of life when we attempt not to measure where we are with others our age, friends and family. I am guilty of this from time to time, and I have to step back and reassess life. How I am close with many, there are none who have the EXACT same situation as I do. I have discovered that the hardest thing about life (in my opinion) is choices. When you are at the fork in the road, and you don’t have time to think and have to make an immediate decision, what do you do? And furthermore, how do you deal with the consequences when  you realize you went down the wrong path? I will revisit this again one day. So what did I do this weekend you ask? Nothing.

Saturday some kids asked my son to come out and play football with them in the street. As I sat in my office protectively watching through the window, I couldn’t help but to see some kids with bad throwing form. As a coach, you tend to have this inner desire to teach. I fiddled my leg anticipating running out there to correct him, but I had to finish my taxes. Then I thought about how short life is, and how I could do my taxes when the kids were sleep, but I couldn’t get that moment back in time of playing street football with my son, or influencing that other young boy.  I thought about how I could use this moment to bless another life, versus being selfish and trying to just take care of my immediate needs. I threw on my gear and moved the kids to a strip of land where I could be all-time QB. I actually got my 6 and 4 year old playing with us to make it a nice 3-on-3 matchup. Team 1 was my oldest, my 4yr old, and this young girl. Team 2 was the young girls brother, this chunky kid who looked like Thurman Merman off Bad Santa, and my 6yr old. I was able to teach the kids some fun plays and mechanics. I won’t go into detail about the game, but the girl ended up having a nice arm, which helped with trick plays. We designed some plays for my 4yr old to score (which he had to run back across the street to tell his mom each time). However after all the events, my most memorable moment was my 6yr old. The kid never really expressed much interest in the sport, and ignored me when I tried to teach him. Prior to the game he was taking my instruction like a pro, and come game time actually had a few deep runs, and a completed pass. Last play of the game my oldest scored on him, and my 6yr old buried his head in my back and started pushing me. I am sure other fathers out there know what I am talking about. The birth of competitiveness in your son where he doesn’t like to lose, doesn’t want to cry, is frustrated but can’t hit you. Like one word will send them over the edge into a rage of tears and aggression. I took a knee and tried to encourage him and tell him what a good job he did, etc…but strangely enough that moment excited me as I saw a turning point in his growth. I wouldn’t have seen it if I stayed inside to do taxes. I think I made the right choice.

Sunday I planned on getting some work done so I could spend time with the fam and enjoy the Super Bowl. I still had to do those taxes, along with a plethora of other things. My sons have this fisher price rim and the oldest asked me if he could bring it into the kitchen. I immediately knew I would get in trouble with the mrs if we broke anything (since earlier that day the 2yr lil terrorist already broke a jar of salsa all over the kitchen floor trying to get his juice out the fridge). We began a battle to show who has the best jump shot as we shot all over the house and used full advantage of our vaulted ceilings. After I set multiple records, we moved to a 2-on-2 game. It was #1 & #2 vs. #3 and myself. I guess this is only funny if you know the kids, but #2 & #3 fight constantly…then are laughing 5 mins later. I can’t really say what happened this game because of child protection laws, but let’s just say it looked like a jr high fight. These two get mad, and it is over. Bad thing is the older one used to smack him (in an attempt not to hurt him), and I went off about him swinging like a little girl and to never do that again. Well he took my words literally and looked like Roy Jones yesterday. He had to connect at least 5 times before the youngest used his brute strength to thrust him against the couch like a superhero. I think this was residual from them pushing and shoving during the football match yesterday. In any case I made them break it up, hug, makeup, all that good stuff. After all the fights, bruises, falls, other stuff that goes along with playing…my sons had a ball. The 2yr old was even getting in the mix, and might I say he has a nasty shot on him. Kid sits and watches bball flicks and tries to mimic it all day long. He absolutely loves basketball and it is like his meditative place he likes to visit where he can take his ball, dribble, shoot, and zone out to the rest of the world. I am rambling now, but I am just a proud father glowing about a moment in time I created by making a choice to invest in my children, rather than focus on bills and other troubles in life.

I also invested some time with my wife this weekend. I just like  being in her presence, talking to her about life family and our kids, playing with her, tickling her, joking with her, watching her sleep. I think sometimes we (men) get caught up in what we need/have to do and don’t stop to invest in our women. I once wrote about how we hinder our blessings by not reverencing what God blessed us with. And sometimes it does not take a lot. I have read before that just holding hands can have medical/emotional benefits for women. All that to say I chose to spend time with her, versus, doing bills, work, etc. I think I made the right choice.

When I think using men logic, and make statements like “I didn’t really do anything this weekend”… in actuality I did. I invested in my family. There was no rhyme nor reason to today’s blog. Let’s just say it was a reflection day where I assessed who and what is important in my life. I spoke with my goddaughter this weekend for a couple minutes (before she deferred to my wife), and after hearing her angelic voice I decided it is time to reassess my relationships. To allocate more time to those who are important (family/friends), and distance myself from those who aren’t (family/friends). It is time I start doing some pruning. Today I will end this blog today from another quote from the movie PRIDE.

“My life is way too short for me to spend my time around people who don’t care about nothin’.”
- Jim Ellis (Pride)

Digging through the vaults we decided to watch an old DVD last night – The Notebook. In my opinion, the best love story captured on film (that I’ve seen anyways). This story was well written, but what really drew me in was the courtship. Yes they kissed a lot, but the main male character (Noah) was more interested in taking their relationship beyond the physical realm. This man reached in and grasped a hold of her soul. I guess I can relate because that’s what I did to my wife. It is hard to explain, but you either see it, get it, or you don’t. He basically saw what others couldn’t within her, touched what others dared not to, ignited her passions that she desperately needed lit. He had her in such a way her body automatically gravitated to him as if they were spiritually connected. Yea buddy, that’s how Daddy (myself) was with my wife when we were courting. To this day her body (being, soul) still hungers to be near me because I massaged her heart in a way no other man could. She gravitates to me even in the midst of an argument. My love makes her feel compelled to reach my lips no matter where we are.

I don’t say this to be arrogant, but she is my soul mate and I worked hard and sowed into my wife to reap these benefits. It is really sad because it seems this younger generation has lost the ability to court properly due to various negative influences (peer pressure, male perception, media, etc.). All it is with them is sex sex sex. How they put it down, what they did, blah blah garbage. It is all about temporary gratification. How I feel right now. No one wants to sow seeds and sacrifice for a future relationship. I turned on the radio the other day, and I couldn’t believe how crazy these brothas were talking to (and about) women. What struck me even harder was the reality that they are saying it because they can. These women nowadays accept anything these fools are throwing at them. Think about this. You can have two girls arguing with one another…one telling the other she is just a jumpoff (casual sexual partner) and how she is his #1. Can you not see how foolish that sounds? This fellow has two women, and you are so desperate for a man that you are fighting for a position with a guy who apparently doesn’t value your worth. Saying you are the #1 is the dumbest thing I have ever heard. Why would you want to be a number in a line with mulitple other women? Putting yourself at risk for heartache, and diseases which would even lead to death. You’d put your life at risk for what again?

Life is too short to be caught up in an unhealthy, unproductive relationship. Value your time. I am not going to go there or I’d be typing all day. Let’s just say one could really learn something from this flick. Noah touched her heart in a way no other man could. Years had passed and she still couldn’t get him out of her system. And here’s a thought…he made her fall in love without having sex with her. I will just end here before I go on a tangent about how sex confuses things, spiritual ties, etc. If you haven’t seen the movie and have some hours to spare, check it out.

You know this has been an eventful week. I had to deal with that stupid drama that I mentioned earlier. Don’t worry…I am not a criminal. Matter fact, that will be the last breath I dedicate to even mentioning that issue.

So I was only in my hometown for a hot second. Unfortunately I didn’t get to rap with all the people I know, but I at least got to meet up with two of my dudes while I was there. We sat and talked about the school districts, religion, real estate, athletics, raising children, who is doing what, and our walk down the straight and narrow. I know, right. Getting old. Crazy how conversation with your boys changes over the years. In any case, we chatted till 430am. Next day I took what life threw at me, and made sure my departure from the city I worked so hard to get out of was as prompt as possible. Hit ATL up for a little 5 hour layover and caught up with another friend there. Coming from my hometown (which was nasty, raining and depressing) to Hotlanta (which was 95 degrees at the time) was a lovely change. It was almost poetic in regards to leaving my past behind…muhahahhaa (evil villain laugh).

But back to the purpose of this blog. I been running around this week with so many obligations that I have not had a chance to breathe. I had a lot of stuff on my STD list for tonight (std meaning stuff to do). Well my oldest got straight A’s again, so I felt I should spend some time with him and put that list aside. I ended up playing chess with him, and the way this child’s brain works never ceases to amaze me. Game evolved into a conversation about football…which was a good life lesson as well. The game ended up moving to my office and me introducing him to my new lightweight obsession – a puzzle game named Bejeweled 2. So as he was playing (slowing demolishing my score), I sat there with my other sons on my lap (2 & 4) and looked out my office window at the man made lake across the street. It was approximately 7pm and a mild 88 degrees. In the stillness of that moment as the sun retrieved and dimmed the sky, I just had to thank God. No matter how much drama I have in my life, no matter how many trials and problems, I have so many things to be thankful for!

I have lost a LOT of close people to me (family and friends) to death, so I am thankful for every minute with my family. I have an intelligent, sexy wife, along with 4 handsome healthy boys to come home to everyday. I also have a close knit group of friends (the circle of trust like bobby dinero), including my goddaughters, that I constantly keep in prayer. I appreciate all of them because they have all blessed my life in some way. I think too often in life we don’t take a second to just breathe. A second to just look at the sky, or watch the ripples in the water. Time to just appreciate our kids (instead of focusing on the bad things they do). I think too often we spend more time worrying about tomorrow and future trials, than the minute we are currently in. Jesus stated to not worry about tomorrow because today has enough problems of it’s own (Matthew 6:25-34).

Life is way too short. Now I know this is cliche, but when you have people close to you die, you take this statement literally. Live every minute like it is your last. Don’t let ANYONE steal your joy. And most importantly, just stop, take a second and breathe.

I remember before I got married, there was this maintenance man in my apartment complex. Told him I was getting married, and he warned me against it. Since he had a few failed marriages, he discouraged me from traveling that route, then left me with the typical line you hear from most men – Man, you actually going to settle down with the same -expletive- every day for the rest of your life?

That is a cop out, for real. Comes a time in your life (as a man) that you should want more. You should be tired of the same ol same ol…running from woman to woman. Grow up! I tell you we are almost a decade in, and sex is still for real. Sorry, for those who know us personally because this may be TMI, but heck I am supposed to speak about relationships, right?

Last night the Mrs. and I got into a little disagreement. The reason is personal (one thing I always suggest – keep your family business within the walls of your home). The point is afterwards we had what some people call – Makeup Sex. I really don’t call it that myself because my wife and I are quite healthy (thus so many kids…lol). The point is, if you constantly do anything over a period of time the same way, you fall victim to monotony. So to break that, you have to do something creative. Heck, God blessed you with a spouse, and for once you can actually have sex and not feel guilty since it is ordained (for those 2 people out there who had sex before they got married).

I can’t speak for anyone else, but I am enjoying my time with my wife. I am not a sex therapist or relationship guru, but some things to me are just common sense. Just come out the blue with something impromptu like truth or dare in the car in the garage, or chocolate and spaghetti sauce. Ok, maybe not that far, but you get the point. If you are always in the bedroom, venture out. Heck, we have 4 little ones, so don’t tell me you can’t be creative. Counter tops, couches, in front of the fireplace, in the office, washing machine. Not saying that we do it all these places just giving you suggestions

All jokes aside, I know some married couples, and you look at the wife and she is so brittle and dry that you think to yourself, “She can’t be having anything that resembles an orgasm or enjoy sex at all, or she wouldn’t act the way she does.” Or look at the husband, and he looks miserable and bored to death. Why is this? Maybe because he didn’t think outside of himself and try to be considerate and learn what she likes. Maybe she has some inner resentment towards her husband for other areas? (Man, that is getting heavy, and reserved for another conversation)

Let me get back on track. Usually marriages fail and people suck at sex for two reasons. 1) They are selfish and can’t see outside of themselves, and 2) They don’t try hard enough. Of course there are more variables (spiritual ties, infidelity, yada, yada). I can go on for days on that, but I just wanted to list two, so there they are…lol.

All that to say, I am here to disprove the stereotypical “same ol sex” myth. It does not have to be that way. Marriage is what you make it to be.

It’s our anniversary. Another year, but who’s counting? I tell you, I never thought marriage would be like this. You get all these images of “ball-and-chain” and hear people complaining about their spouse…

…but I can’t say that is the case with us. How I have no intention on trying to represent us as the perfect couple (cause yes we go at it sometimes), I know God truly blessed me with my soul mate. She is definitely my better half, and my best friend. I share everything with her. I am just anxious to grow old with her, and watch how our grandkids awe at the longevity of our marriage.

But until then…who’s keeping track?

Well, this has been an interesting month. One of my son’s birthdays (seems like there is one almost every month), along with the release of my debut novel. How it was released on the 4th, I had a slight problem with my distributor (cover problem). In any case, here is a bit more info…

Corny title, but first thing that came to mind. Today is my wife’s birthday. Four children, and she is still as sexy as the day I met her! Wow am I lucky.