I want to talk about the death of relationships. I know ‘death’ is a morbid title and things most people don’t want to talk about, but today was one of those reflective days where I need to release. Don’t have any images or anything…going to just write. Forgive me in advance because when I am in these modes, my brain is all over the place.

See, I have been working on this family reunion website, and last night I got to a part where I had to start listing dates of birth and dates people passed away. Life is so so short. I preach that all the time. Try to find something to be thankful for everyday and hold on to it. It is pointless to waste time being mad about stuff in life, or mad at people. Folks fall out because someone told them something about themselves (which probably is true), or they are bipolar and think the whole world is out to destroy them. Granted, there are those family members who just suck. Sorry I couldn’t articulate that better, but you know what I mean. Those ones with just super funky foul stank personalities. I am not saying you have to go buddy buddy with them, but you can at least be nice for 5 mins when you have to deal with them.

I am a pretty reserved person, but I will just share this with you. I have had a lot of people pass away in my life. I still remember being 10yrs old and spending the night with my grandparents (mom worked 3rds). The night my grandfather passed, he fixed numerous things around the house he had been planning for a while. My mom got there about 7am to get me ready for school, and wake her father to give him his medicine. I remember her screaming “Daddy” and somehow this woman mustered the strength to haul him into the kitchen and perform CPR. At that point it was too late and he passed. I remember having to go to school thinking about that all day. I remember coming to see my grandmother knowing it would be the last time, and whispering in her ear she didn’t have to hold on anymore and I would be ok…and her passing the next morning. How I went to the cemetary and watched them lower her into the ground at the VA cemetery while everyone else was back in the church. How it was so dry and emotionless and how you watch how they lower the casket in all slow on movies, but in real life they almost drop it in. Like heck for all that I could have pushed the casket in myself (maybe it was just this crew and something slipped). I remember my sister and me fighting over some issues, and seeing her number come up on my caller ID at work…and how I didn’t answer, but something in my heart dropped because I just knew. How I listened to the voicemail and had to keep my composure at work hearing my mom just passed. How at the funeral, there was this dude that looked just like Prince with a plate of pancakes, and how I almost had to walk out because I wanted to laugh. I remember being in the room with hospice, my wife, and sister-in-laws…and literally watching my mother-in-law take her last breath. How at her funeral this woman was butchering this song so bad I had to kiss my kids to keep from laughing. I remember getting a call from my buddy back in OH saying his wife probably won’t make it through the night, and how I slept on the couch with the phone on the ottoman hoping for the best but expecting the worst. How I passed out, and my son came to wake me up at 7am nudging me with the phone, and me having to hear this young girl passed.

Sad thing is, I could continue (yes there were more). Point in all this most people look at our family and my myspace page, and think everything is all kosher because I have a pretty wife and kids, but I have lost a LOT of people close to me. That is why relationships are so important to me because death is so final. I have dealt with these situations as they were presented to me in my own way. Some people take death really hard, but for me it is such a familiar feeling with me. Don’t misconstrue, I have some HARD days, but what I mean is there are some things I don’t do…like go to a tombstone and talk. I think I did with my grandfather, but once I got older I realized that person is at rest, and it is basically just talking aloud to heal yourself. I have always heard people make comments like, “My dead grandmother was looking down on me and helped me win the race.” but when you really think about it, how can she only look down at you when when things are good? How about when you are doing dirt fornicating on the kitchen table with that person you aren’t supposed to be with? lol.

Ok, I make light of it, but all this to say appreciate these days you have. Spend time with those you love, and don’t let a petty argument, or pride, keep you from having a relationship with someone. I tell the mrs all the time, I truly believe that half the dead relationships out there (marriages, siblings, aunts, uncles, whatever) could be mended with a few short words of kindness. Most of the time though people just let pride eat at them until they make a situation worse than it has to be. There are 16 year marriages that break up over what could be corrected by a 16 min conversation. Pride is a terrible thing. Proverbs 16:18


4 responses to “Death

  1. Man J…I read this post (and you I are extremely close) and like you…I’m a reserved cat. I can feel the emotions in this post. I know that we joke alot, but this is an issue that we just choose not to address. I fight back the tears, because people are coming in and out of my office (I’m about to close me door)….remembering when you told me about your mom….remembering the call I made to you that morning…this is probably one of the best post that I have read in a LONG time (and I’m not saying that b/c you are my boy). Keep ’em coming…


  2. J, I have read your blog for a few weeks now, and I must admit, this one gets me. Death for the dying is Gain, to be absent with the body and present with the Lord, but for those of us that are still here it is hard to deal with. I appreciate the honesty in this post. The closer I grow to God the more he reveals things to me and I just find peace with the time I had to enjoy those who have gone on. It is hard to let them go but I know if I continue to press, I will see them again.

  3. Those were very touching stories that you shared. Of course, you know my grandmother recently passed away so some of those images of Prince and bad singing makes me laugh.
    I can’t really tell you how I take death besides I just learn to live with it. Most of the time I try to never lead on as if it bothers me but it probably eating me up on the inside. Now for me if I did not have a halfway (I say that because I do not have things together the way they should be) decent relationship with the Lord, I would be messed up. Let me repharse that because either you have one with him or you don’t. It is the Lord who has really help me deal with my grandmother’s homegoing.
    I guess I deal with certain things by not discussing them too much because that is the way I try and heal.

    I just realize that the Lord never promised us we will not endure pain but joy cometh in the morning.

  4. Pingback: support your local deadbeat dad « MarriedandWhatnot·

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