Do you ever feel like you are constantly losing pressure? Sometimes I think I am too crazy to be crazy (if that makes sense). I don’t have any mental illnesses (that have been diagnosed with), but sometimes life can make you feel like you are going bananas. Have you ever cried and not realized you were crying because you were just zoned out? Maybe I should stop being so truthful on this blog before they send a white van to my house, place me in a straight-jacket and ship me to a psychiatric hospital. I usually don’t reveal much about my personal life, but blogs to me are therapeutic because they allow an avenue to vent and self-reflect. Besides you never know…maybe in the midst of my dysfunction I may be able to help someone.
I was talking to my friends ‘ALL CAPS’ and ‘Will the Hostess Zebra Caper’ yesterday crying and complaining about life. I told them how I feel like a boxer. I was watching this mixed marital arts last night, and this dude kicked the other in the liver. I don’t know what that does physiologically, but it paralyzes your body temporarily. That is how I feel my storms are. They never cripple me severely, but they temporarily paralyze me. They hit me so hard they keep me from talking (praying). Not only that, but you know when someone knows your weak spot and you anticipate it? I feel like I am in a fight, and fighting hard, but in my mind I know I can’t block that liver shot that is inevitably coming. It is like I win one battle, then get ko’d. I get back up, this time go old school 15 rds and bam…right when I get close KO’d again. I am tired of fighting for the championship. I am ready to get past boxing so I can promote others. Of course my dudes encouraged me to keep fighting and not throw in the towel, but like I told them sometimes I feel like my faith is tapping out. On top of everything else going on right now, we had this severe leak that I didn’t have the financial means to take care of.
A couple months back I noticed there was some water backed up where my sprinkler valves were located. This water also saturated the earth around this area, so I knew there was a busted pipe somewhere. Because I assumed I didn’t have the means to fix it at the time, I ignored the problem instead of getting to the root of it and resolving it. So fast forward to Wednesday. Driving home from work I am chatting with my wife, and she tells me when my sons came home from school, they explained to her that the water had flooded the sidewalk, and they had to jump over it. It rained the night before so I thought nothing of it until I got home. I pull into my driveway and water was pouring out the hole at a rapid pace and flowing down the street. I immediately went inside and called the water company, which was the quickest, easiest solution. They claimed they would send someone out, but most likely it was the homeowners responsibility. I knew this, but was just hoping by some miracle it was their fault. I put on some old jeans, went outside, and with the assistance of my neighbor spent an hour or so out in the pitch black frigid air trying to turn these stubborn valves shut. My neighbor is this big 6’3 250lbs shredded guy, and he couldn’t even turn them counter-clockwise. After alternating muscle, we finally got them shut. We scooped the water out, and no sooner than we it overflowed again and continued to pour down the street. At this moment we both realized there was a severe break with no quick fix. The earth which was previously wet now formed a mound as the water pressure beneath it built up. I was so frustrated I just went into the house. I didn’t once think about cutting over the main water supply until I figured it out (duh). I went back into the house and jumped into a warm shower and stood there for 15mins frustrated, hurt, pissed, cold, and irritated that the water pressure was so low. I stood there as water rolled down my face thinking about all the money I had rolling down the street and what my water bill was going to be. I also thought the worst scenario. How this is Christmas time, and anticipating an expensive bill from a plumber.
The next day instead of a plumber I called an irrigation specialist, and he came out to fix the leak. He dug the ground up, and replaced the broken PVC pipe. Apparently the original contractor for the home connected this PVC from the mainline to our house with a pressure coupling. As they dug the soil (clay) out, they pulled out some gargantuan rocks. I started thinking about my old neighbors moving, and how they backed their truck up over that area and how the pressure most likely pushed that rock into the pipe and cracked it.
Will was talking to me yesterday about the trials we go through, and how I always have a testimony as a result that I share with him. In this situation, I sought to prove him wrong as I was rebellious and mad at everything and felt this entire situation was pointless. You know how sometimes how you know what people are telling you is right, but in the midst of your problem you don’t want to hear it? Him and Caps were both on me yesterday about persevering through.
As I took a shower this morning, the water pressure was now restored and I had time to meditate about this entire situation. I thought about how sometimes in life we see a problem…the wet ground around us…and instead of taking the time to get a shovel and dig to the root of our problems, we just ignore it like it will go away. We walk past our issues daily, and convince ourselves we will deal with it another day. Like I did with the water company, we want the quickest, easiest solution, or a quick fix. We anticipate the worst and try to avoid it altogether. As soon as the break occurred, I did like most people do. We try to defer blame to someone else, and accept no accountability for our own actions. Then what happens? That leak gets worse and worse. The pressure around us constricts and eventually that trouble area which started as a hairline fracture cracks and we implode. Standing in the shower I kept thinking about the water pressure, and how it is like God’s grace. For the past month or so since this crack occurred, the water (grace) was there, but I couldn’t experience the full flow of it until I fixed that problem I kept overlooking. Maybe the hindrance of favor in my life right could be directly correlated to me not going to the root of a troubled area in my life?
I believe we all have issues. The problem is most of us don’t deal with them. And in some cases the problem may be too big for us to solve by ourselves, so we may have to call in our own (mental) irrigation specialist. Someone who can keep us from losing pressure and help to restore that flow. A person grounded in the word that can be a listening ear for you to vent, yet give you sound advice and proper guidance. I am thankful for all the irrigation specialists God has currently placed in my life. I have been truly blessed with wonderful wife and some good friends (who I view as brothers).