I take baths with my socks on…

I was watching this show last night where this woman had worked at the Looney Toons theme park for 15yrs and the music had driven her crazy to joker4the point where she would hum the theme music and take baths with her socks on. I guess I must be on the tinge of crazy because that sounds like something dumb I’d do. I have been known to jump into the shower fully clothed to play with my wife. It’s all fun and games until you try to peel a wet shirt off in the heat of the moment and almost (accidentally) knock your spouse out. Anyways, there are many writing styles out there, so for this last blog of the year I think I am going to utilize a technique coined by my buddy called disorderlies‘david’s dysfunction’ where I can start here, and end up way over there. Yea, he is also a member of the purple blazer club (but I am the president). I think I have one inch more of insanity than he does, but we both would argue it depends on the day. Heck all my boys in the circle of trust are a bit off in some way. Will, Debarge, Caps…we’re like Disorderlies or something.

I started this blog to talk about married life, my family, being a husband, father, yada yada. It was supposed to be centered around relationships, but I have deviated a tad bit. Let’s get back to fam life for a second. I was glad when Christmas arrived. I am a giver, so I like to see my kids faces light up. I badsantahad also been wanting to BBQ so I could take photos and email my buddies back home in Ohio to rub it in. Well I did grill, but I was lightweight in a funky mood so I didn’t care much to take photos. The food was good though, and a nice change for the holiday (which I think may be a new tradition). That next day daddy got to play Bad Santa for the first half of the day, so I wasn’t complaining whatsoever. As a back seat passenger on this 2008 emotional roller coaster I was whipped back into a small funk again. I was just irritated with any and everything. Kids turned the Christmas lights on, and I went around and yanked all the cords out from all 3 trees like the Grinch. And yes, we have three Christmas trees (7ft, 6ft and 4ft fiber optic). Ok, I didn’t literally yank the cords, but I was pretty mean turning them off. I was just ready for this holiday to be over and I was tired of looking at those decorations. Due to some life circumstances, I didn’t really feel like tis’ing the season anymore. I actually wanted to kick that tree over a few times. It was keeping my recliner from going all the way back. But heck as aggravated as I was, I still was no where near as bad as that worst mother ever I wrote about last week.

I was reading my dude’s blog the other day. I sometimes call him ALL CAPS aka the angry e-mailer because he tends to yell in -emails a lot (then blame it on forgetting his cap keys were on). Well in his blog he was talking about bksome guy in the bookstore smelling like twice-baked butt. I found that hilarious because that same day I was going to tell CAPS about this lil foreign guy that worked at the convenient store. He asked if I wanted anything else, and his breath was hellatious. I mean it smelt like flame-broiled toddler anus. You know how they can walk around with that pullup on and you see hot fumes escaping like a mirage? When he asked, I wanted to grab that case of Altoids and sling shot some to the back of his throat. When I was little my mom told me sometimes peoples breath smells like doo doo (arrgh I hate that word) because they are backed up. If that were the case, dude seriously needs some laxatives.

Speaking of toddlers, last night I was playing with my youngest. This lil cat has me completely wrapped around his stinky finger. He ear slapped me yesterday playing. I mean not hard enough to make it ring, but he popped the ish out of me. I saw it coming in slow motion too, and couldn’t even react because I was so tired. Now any other of those kids would have did that…[this portion has been deleted due to Texas child protective service laws]. I am real calm, but something about my face makes me snap. I mean it could probably make me break #2 of my male pet peeves. Ok, not that serious, but you get the point. He hit me, and I just smiled, wrestled him and kissed him. Later that night I had a dream about my dudes wife that passed away earlier this year. Interesting way to start my day off. I plan on calling my Goddaughter this week since her daddy gave her a phone for Christmas. I am glad because he is about as good at relaying messages as trying to get good customer service from a ghetto call center for Time Warner.

Two-thousand-eight has definitely been interesting. I issued some challenges to my buddies for this upcoming year. Don’t really believe in resolutions, but do believe in pinky_and_brainsetting goals and using time frame parameters. Guess just another way to promise myself that I won’t be a fat gelatinous bastard in 2009. I also have some exciting new projects coming forth. My short novella should be available for sale in a couple months, and I am looking forward to introduce some new talent this year. Right now we are in the process of restructuring our websites and adding some new exciting content. My wife and I are also about to start a video relationship series, so subscribe to the blog and stay posted for further details. I think you will enjoy!

I pray you guys have a safe New Year’s!

JM ’08

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