“You don’t know me!!” – A common emotional phrase that when spoken, usually signifies frustration and anger. But this post is not about urban linguistics…this post today is about male/female relationships. I have no idea how it feels to be single, so these comments are strictly observational. I am the first to admit that I attempt to show empathy, but I have short tolerance for ignorance.
I have not had to date for well over 10 years now (thank the Lord) so I still approach this new culture and e-dating with naivety. When I courted my wife we still had pagers, still had the curly antennas on the back windshields of cars, and had the cell phones that became so hot you thought your ear lobe would keloid. E-mail was not popular or common and heck many people I knew didn’t even have computers. I grew up in the era where you called your girl, let it ring twice, hung up, then called back. We had codes (this was before caller id). A lot has changed since then in the way we communicate. Social networks appear to be the new high school now. You have cliques, you hear gossip, and now you even receive breaking relationship news. It is normal now to find out who is divorced, separated, or is going through a breakup via electronic means. Blows my mind to read Facebook statuses and blogs and watch two people verbally (subtly) fight one another over the affection of a third. Not teenagers…adults.
The other day I watched this show on MTV where stupid parents take their kids to speak with Dr. Drew so he can warn them about the irresponsible path they are traveling down by having sex (ironic that most of the advice for teens should also be adhered to by adults). This episode was a single mom and her promiscuous son. It was apparent his lack of enthusiasm for a relationship was due to watching his mother ruin two marriages. They created a focus group comprised of his peers (young teen girls). They put in a video of this guy flirting and bragging about how easy it is for him to have girls play his meat trumpet to see their reactions. At the end of the video they invited the young man in the room and gave him their opinions.
My wife and I sat there shaking our heads as it was obvious how hurt these girls were in previous relationships by their reactions. I turned to my wife and told her, “The sad part is they are expending all this energy lashing out, but these are the same girls who would mess with him. They know he is not about anything but I guarantee 10 out of the 12 in that room would blow some notes on his meat trumpet once the cameras turn off.” This evolved into a discussion about how women see that a guy is not about anything, but still continues to move forward. Women (all ages) see numerous signs, but chose to ignore them because they think they know everything. A woman will straight ignore the advice from a man, telling you how men think, but will run to whomever will pacify them and justify their nonsense. Females are quick to say – he led me on, he was a different person, he said he loved me – when they knew what he was about before they dove into the relationship. It’s like a girl getting pregnant by a man with 9 kids, then getting mad when he doesn’t stay around. You knew the pattern before you got involved, but you were so smart and thought you could manipulate the situation. And for the professional women out there with no kids shaking their heads in agreement, this isn’t just a babymoma thing. Grown, educated, professional women still make the same stupid mistakes with men in relationships by forcing a hand that didn’t exist. You can have more degrees than a thermometer and still be stupid when it comes to relationships.
There was another that came on called College Life. These college kids have cameras and document their freshman year; frustrations, relationships, etc. The one female has a (too long to type) relationship with her ex boyfriend. While talking into the camera about the disgust of this estranged fellow, she broke into a tearful prayer. Why is it we deliberately ignore God’s word concerning relationships, but then it goes belly up and we want to scream, “Lord why have you forsaken me? Please kill his new girlfriend in a car crash with the USPS truck, then make him have a series of mild heart attacks…but not enough to kill him. Just enough for him to realize I am the one for him. I walk by the shadow of the valley but meditate on your heart and by your stripes I declare victory over this new chick!”
I joke, but it is not even funny. The problem is this new era of technology where everyone can mask who they really are. Lying wasn’t just invented this past decade, but being able to create your cyper personna is like Pinocchio with no growing nose. People posting pictures from 15 years ago, folks lying about their age, social status and beliefs. Heck, everyone could technically say – you don’t know me. I believe most new relationships fail due to these false pretenses. These fake identities. When it boils down to it, both men and women tend to be (little white) liars, selfish & manipulative in new relationships in order to fill whatever void they need at that point in their life. Everybody wants to do what feels good in the moment. The problem is the consequences of bad choices. Being with the wrong person can completely alter your destiny.