Diary of a Tired Black Man

Hey Blog reader people…whatever you’re called. I’ve been on a brief hiatus. Ok, more like when Martin went to the temple to rediscover himself. Life has been hectic between work, family and other projects so I temporarily retired from blogging. But something caught my attention a few days ago and sparked this post. I will warn you before you read, this may offend some people. And due to the subject matter, it is a tad longer that posts in the past.

A few years ago I saw this internet clip (click here). At first I laughed at how ridiculously corny it was, but then it started to make me mad. I forgot about it until going through Netflix the other day at work. I placed it in my instant queue, and shortly after dinner my wife and I sent the kids away so we could watch it.

Man, where to start…

First let me make this clear – I AM NOT AGAINST INTERRACIAL RELATIONSHIPS. I don’t get bothered seeing it, I honestly don’t care. I feel if you find love in another race and they treat you right and you are equally yoked, then why not? Once again I will say I do not have a problem with interracial dating or marriages. What I do have a problem with is people excluding an entire race based off their foolish decisions and experiences with them. For the director Tim Alexander, these angry black females that you dated are a reflection of YOUR intelligence retard. You choice them so stop getting mad because they don’t do everything you say!

Blog readers, I implore you to rent this trash, better yet find a site to bootleg it and download it so you can immediately put it in the recycle bin when done. Then come back here and let’s have a discussion on it.

The underlying theme of this movie is black women don’t know how to treat a good black men due to their temper. The problem with the film are the outlandish scenarios. Trust me, I was brought up in the hood so it is not like I been living in nice neighborhoods my entire life. I have seen ghetto, but this is just over the top. This guy gets divorced and comes to pick his daughter up (click here). First of all, what group of sistas, ignorant sistas as the director was trying to portray, will sit there and let you go off and talk about them like that? Fool please I like to see you try. You’d be crawling back to that car. Second, why did he bring the girl over in the first place? Regardless of race, he was being petty. The previous clips just showed him dating numerous girls, and this wasn’t a long term relationship. So why did he bring her in the first place? Maybe that was just me thinking about the kid, but seemed like he was just trying to be simple.

The film was chocked full of nonsense and people commenting who didn’t know what in the hell they were talking about. There was this African guy who was talking and he made some comment about how American families don’t stay together like theirs, and this that and the other. I sat there offended and thought…African men are the last men who should comment. These same cats who would pile in a car and stalk women in my wife’s hometown looking for a woman to harass. How are you speaking about something when you truly don’t understand what’s going on in the states? I could have sworn that you have military branches from other nations over in your country because of the alarming rate you raping women and committing genocide. Furthermore you can’t relate to our families because our history’s are different. Our families were broken up for a purpose, whereas yours were able to stay together. I will leave that alone.

I continue watching this flick and there was this scene with a BBQ. The women were at a table and the son asked a question. The mom flat out cursed him out and made some comment about his no good daddy. Seriously? I guess you have to see it in context of the scene. I am not saying ignorance escapes our people, but it was so outlandish. I am tired of loser men blaming women for kids turning out wrong. If you were around then you can speak. Other than that, stop saying all that stupid ish like, “Only a man can raise a man” when you haven’t done crap yourself. Furthermore if you don’t have kids or a son, shut up and mentor a young man then instead of running your trap. Be a freaken man yourself first.

That same BBQ a guy, who I assume was supposed to be a good guy, went to talk to this young lady. He was annoying, and kept trying to interrupt her while she was speaking with her friend. Then he walked away and another guy came up who I guess the director was trying to imply was a thug. He wasn’t ignorant, but had charisma and the girl talked to him. I sat there and told my wife, hell I am a dude and that first guy annoyed the hell out of me. Every time a girl talks to a dboy over someone else it may not necessarily be what he does or his lifestyle. Maybe it is just his confidence in approaching her. What woman wants a weak man? I, being a guy, saw her point and why she did it. For one the nice guy was annoying. For two, the other guy, thug or whatever, wasn’t disrespectful and he was very assertive. He had this confidence that oozed from his pores, and that is what attracted her.

There have been a lot of studies on testosterone, pheromones, and females reactions to them. I watched a documentary on male/female relationships and they performed a test where they showed a select group of women photos of men and measured/recorded their reaction and preferences. ALL the women chose men that had more manly features (ex. strong jaw line) versus the men with feminine or soft facial features. It is an instinctive thing. Even in the animal kingdom, female animals lean towards the male who is the biggest and strongest. Why? Because he can meet her needs to be provided and protected for. Something these new age guys are completely missing. But I’ll leave that alone because we have so many sensitive men nowadays I don’t want to offend somebody.

This flick was it was so one sided. They try to make ALL black women seem like they aren’t about crap, and that there is this plethora of good men out there. Then turn around and have a scene where there are 4 married guys at the bar trying to get this dude to smash a chick. So these are examples of good men, right? Talking about side pieces of ass? They made it out like this husband was just a pillar of virtue and the wife was just awful. One scene she wakes him up and throws his boxers at him in the middle of the night because they were on the floor. Really? What sista do you know that would have a man allegedly as good as this one was supposed to be and would do that? Second, negro pick up your freaken clothes and stop being ignorant. Can you be considerate? Another scene she stomped his foot in the restaurant because she was mad her salad had tomatoes in it, then went home and smacked and spit in his face. Or her saying she will only submit to a mani or pedicure. Or another scene where he wanted to go to church and she threw a tantrum and didn’t. Let’s do a real talk break. Real talk, statistically women make up about 80% of black churches. So find me an instance where a man wants to go and a woman fights him on it? Seriously. Dude was reaching with this flick.

I guess overall I get upset with this movie because he pretends to search for the reason black women are angry, but really doesn’t want to know the answer. What black men need to realize is when women act out it is because of fear. They act out because they get a glimpse of something that sparks their fears. Fear of rejection, fear of cheating, fear of neglect, fear of being alone.

For the white girls out there, know that when sistas look at you funny…yes they are bitter. Black women, for the most part, don’t really like white guys. They love black men and black men use sistas their entire lives. Black women raise them, black women understand them, black women love them…flaws and all. They know what brothas are trying to get away with and aren’t passive about correcting it. The problem is most men are so prideful that they don’t want to hear they are doing anything wrong. Black women still love them and continue to do everything in their power to please and make themselves presentable to black men, including adding all types of chemicals to their hair to straighten (watch Good Hair). They do all this and brothas still f them over. So yes, this pisses sistas off.

There was an old article in an Essence magazine that my wife brought to my attention. One of the several ladies they interviewed was white and she said that black men prefer to be with white women because they are more laid back and allow them to relax when they are with them, etc. But she said that honestly white women can afford to be like that with them because they don’t go through the same day to day stress and challenges that black women do. This is coming from a white woman.

It is hard to really convey this point because oftentimes it is difficult for others to see outside of their own circumstance. When black women say there are no good men left, they have a valid argument. I grew up in a predominately black city, black school, black church. I didn’t get my first dose of diversity until I attended The Ohio State University. Once I arrived I actually started to grasp just how large the white population is. I recently looked up some old census data. The table showed there were 16,465,185 black men and 18,193,005 black women, compared to 103,773,194 white men and 107,687,432 white women. According to a report by the NY Times in 2008, 1 in 9 black men between the ages of 20 and 34 are incarcerated. And out of the brothas that are left, how many of them are doing right? As you can see the numbers are scarce. From a black woman’s perspective. white women outnumber them AND have a larger selection to choose from, yet still pool from the small list of black men. Yes they are angry, but I think they have a right to be. I think many times it is just difficult for women to articulate their point because they are so frustrated.

The entire movie men tried to make a point that they want peace at home. To me everything said from the black woman’s perspective could be summed up in one comment. There was this chick who said – A man can have peace at home when he takes care of business!

I am going to pause here because I know I have lost some of my brothas. I had a conversation with my friend yesterday about this. He tends to believe we are making strides and that black men are doing a lot better than we were. His argument was about the group of us who didn’t have fathers, and how we are stepping in the hedge for our children. But I say it is still not good enough. Having a job or taking your kid to the park does not make you a good man. You are SUPPOSED to do that. Our people’s minds are so warped we think we are doing good when we are doing what we are called to do. A good man to me goes over and beyond that. A good man will be responsible off the rip and care for a woman and respect her. A good man will move his pride to the side and LISTEN when he needs to be corrected. A good man will nurture his wife and children spiritually, will protect them, will provide for them. We are so far behind the curve. How I don’t want to discourage black men, I just feel we have a long way to go. And yes I am hard on black men but that is because God blessed me with a litter of little black men and I am so serious about my responsibility of cultivating them. I feel that once men start being men and accepting responsibility our society will change. I am a fan of roles. I believe society is the way it is right now because men have become lazy and not done what they were supposed to be doing. And the reality is once men take charge and step up and lead, then everything else falls into place. Until then society will continue being a mess!

Are there ignorant females out there? Hell yes there are. I could devote a post to that, but I chose not to. I chose to honor what God blessed us with, and be harder on males because I feel if we lead, we can change our community. Ever since Adam we have been deferring the blame. She did it. My dude told me, “Come on Rome, we gave em a rib.” But real talk, God gave them the rib, and if he left it up to us…women may not be here. Lol.

I told my buddy this scenario yesterday. Say you are young and they build a park in your neighborhood. You break glass, bottles, tear up the grass, litter, dig up dirt, ride your bike all over it, piss on it, disrespect it, tear it up. Then you get older and look back and say, “Man, this park is garbage. I hate it. How did it get like this?” You completely defer all that you did and make it someone else’s fault. I feel that is how brothas do sistas. God built them for us, yet we trash them. We spend our entire life trying to pimp them, sex them, use them…then we get older and want to say they all ho’s. What did we sow into them? Are we not responsible? That is why I don’t dive into females on this post because I feel until we start accepting some responsibility and be accountable for what we did; we have no room to talk.

If you don’t like black women, that is your choice. If their attitude is too much for you, then walk the other way. But like I told my wife…attitude is sexy. If you can’t deal with a black woman’s attitude then you are a weak man…PERIOD! If you are a real man and take care of business, you will demand respect. It is as simple as that. Problem is we have so many weak ass men out there that just want the easy route that they run at the first sign of a female telling them about their trife ass. Nobody, no man, wants to be told he is doing something wrong. I’ll admit that. But hell that is what is attractive to me about sistas. They won’t just let you get away with any damn thing!

If I sound upset about this movie then you are right, I am. What made me mad is we, as a people, have avenues now to utilize our finances and resources to make movies and media products that encourage and enlighten, yet this is how you choose to spend your dime? How dare you insult our women like this! Our women help nurture this country when others were too lazy to. They raised their children and others. They cooked, they cleaned, they kept homes together. Hell where do you think Paula Dean gets all her recipes from? I know you don’t think she created them all. Black women have it so hard. We (black men) degrade them in videos, degrade them in life. We don’t look outside of ourselves and see what they have to go through, and just want to label them as mad or angry. There are things black women have to go through that other races don’t. Even something as small as exercise. Sistas can’t workout daily the same way other races do or do relaxing things like swimming. Why? Because of the texture of their hair, what it takes to maintain and manage it after water & sweat, etc. There are so many little things that black women deal with daily that people don’t really care about…but then want to know why they’re angry?

Then society just doesn’t care about them. All the brilliant black actresses and none won an Academy Award until she got bent over a couch and rammed? And you think things are on a level playing field? Do you think if Tiger’s wife was black and all his mistresses were black we’d have such media attention? Be honest. We just flat out run black women through the mud. They are discriminated twice…because they are female and black. They can’t simply get mad at work or have a disagreement like other races or they are labeled as that angry black woman. And through all that they still rise up and real talk fellas, have surpassed us education wise and in the workplace. You have to love and admire their strength!

If you want to label them as angry, then so be it. But you know what? I love my angry black woman. I love how she walks, how she talks. I love her hair. I love her skin tone. I love her physique and curves. I love how she looks beautiful without makeup. Love how clean she is. Love her humor. Love how she ages gracefully. How she cooks how she nurtures. How she sings how she dances. Her rhythm, her soul, her radiant glow. How she puts me in line when I need to be, how she encourages me. How sexy she looks when I sweat that perm out. How she disciplines our children. How she keeps our house together. How she fights me. How she makes up with me ;-). How she is my ride or die chick when ish hits the fan. How she understands the trials I go through and can help coach me through them.

The question I pose to Tim Alexander is where is your mother? How did she raise you? What did she do to traumatize you. Apparently you have some issues because of his hatred and disrespect of black women. I honestly think he just needs to shut the hell up altogether. Honestly if you don’t want or like black females, then don’t. That is your preference. Just shut up, go get whatever that will put up with you and leave sistas alone. You don’t have to belittle them or tell them why you don’t like em, just leave and don’t talk to em anymore. And when ish goes belly up like OJ, don’t come running back expecting support.

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5 responses to “Diary of a Tired Black Man

  1. Let me first offer an apology as I wrote this (as Katt Williams would say) from a place of anger. The statement regarding your mother was somewhat disrespectful and I am sorry for that. But from your film, there is no way to discern you have a love of black woman whatsoever. You did not represent a black man who is proud of his black mom and black wife. Most guys who have that hatred of black women have issues with their mothers.

    Even though I could have refined my statements, I stand by what I said. I feel as a black man who is responsible for producing creative works, we (myself included) need to understand our responsibility to encourage versus tear down. No matter what media outlet you have, whether you are an author, filmmaker, screenwriter, artist, graphic designer, etc., why not use those creative juices to be positive versus destructive? Why not take a controversial topic and provide answers that will lead to healing? Granted anyone can throw some controversial stuff out there to make a buck, but is it really helping our people in the long run? How will your legacy read after this film? Do you think you left a positive stamp on the black community?

    I am not saying you shouldn’t have done the film. I was just not fond of the direction you took. You state the question repeatedly – why are black women angry? If this was your purpose of the film, why not take a directorial stance like that flick Good Hair. That movie did not attempt to place us in a bad light, but it was seeking to provide answers to some psychological issues we have in regards to what is good hair. It was tastefully done. Are there angry black females out there? Yes. But why not explore why they are mad versus exploiting them the way you did?

    I welcome any dialogue you have on this…on the blog or outside via email if you choose to do so.

  2. In the end of the film he married a was about to get married to a black woman, and he clearly stated she is the most beautiful woman he has ever met. Did you really not get that message? Watch it again, this time without an emotional reaction. It is talking about a specific kind of black woman, and clearly not all. And it did say why black women are angry over an over and over again. And it also has nothing to do with my black mother or my black wife. This film is about what it is about. The anger that some women have from their childhood and past relationships that they can not let go and bring into what could be a healthy relationship and sometimes destroy them – all from a good man’s point of view. We have seen many films of the opposite. I don’t see why this one is a big deal to let men speak their frustrations for a change. And if you are not like that, then this movie has nothing to do with you. Simple. And almost every man interviewed said, “SOME black women – not all” – and still that is not enough? Wow.

  3. I can see this is leading to a…let’s agree to disagree. I think this is a double-edge sword. Yes, my friends and I have sat around and discussed the state of women and vented, but we at least state what we did to contribute to the problem.

    I saw the ending. Yay, he married a black girl at the end. Makes everything else in the film ok. lol. I did not miss the point you were trying to convey, but think you missed mine. Yes there is anger, but WHY? Yes they have a past, but where did it come from? They just were born in the world with issues and men had nothing to do with that? You could have easily made the same points, showed the same thing, but offered a solution to WHY.

    If you were a good strong man, no matter what race, you will help your woman get through her past and issues…no matter what race. But too often men (myself included) want the easy path. We just want everything to be fixed and don’t want to put forth any effort. I can agree with you. Yes there are women who let their past destroy their current relationships. My thing is if a man were stronger, he would help her.

    You had ONE scene when she talked about her past. Dude lay there, looked like he was paying no attention, offered no words of encouragement or support, supposed to be this God fearing man and didn’t offer to pray over her or anything…then simply kissed her on the forehead like all her issues were supposed to dissipate from his kiss. Seriously bruh? Can a girl kiss you on your forehead and erase your past? lol.

  4. So I read your post…. you have a very interesting and strong point of view. There was so much in your post that I can not articulate or write an appropriate response to your entire post without missing some critical issues. Instead I will give you some of my opinions on the subject matter as oppose to the movie since I have not seen it.

    Men and women are inherently different creatures. Often we women are seeking security in the men that we choose and our upbringing defines the way we interpret that feeling of “security”. When we don’t experience or see true maturity in relationships as we develop into women we become physically mature adults with sophomoric or juvenile relationship skills. This immaturity continues throughout our adult life until we recognize it and rectify our behaviors.

    I know women that been involved in crazy relationships and I myself have participated in extraordinary amounts of turmoil in the past because of an immature outlook on what security from a man is suppose to look like.

    On the reverse I think men that have experienced immaturity in relationship development are confused with how to use their masculinity, show their assertiveness, and how to separate love from sexuality.

    Your thoughts

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