There was a Hardy boy mystery I was tryin’ to solve
Can’t understand who the **** was involved
Back from a show I had came, hopped off the plane
In my mind home was pictured and rest was the frame
At the mound I stand vocal pitch high
Asking – who done it?
But in this case…there is no rest. I present to you a mystery. In the same fashion of Shutter Island, an item mysteriously disappeared from our house almost as if it vanished into thin air. We have a suspect in custody, but can’t prove what happened.
Yesterday I was talking to the mrs on the way home from work and stopped to get a few groceries. I picked up several items, including a pack of hamburger buns. Usually when I arrive home I am greeted by all my little minions…a routine I’ve grown fond of even if I have had a bad day. I instruct them to retrieve the groceries which usually results in a battle to see who can get their shoes on the fastest. The children then rush to put the groceries in their proper place so they can be nosy and see what new snacks I purchased.
This morning as I prepared for work, the mrs kindly fussed at me about a missing grocery item as I am always forgetting something. But this time when she told me what it was, I immediately stated I know for a fact I picked up the item in question. I then asked to review the receipt while instructing the oldest to go back out to the vehicle and see if the buns fell out.
I started to assess the facts. I stuffed the receipt in one of the bags, and I recall #3 unfolding it while carrying it over to a basket on the counter. I’d review the evidence later. My oldest walked back in and stated he didn’t see anything out there, but he did recall #4 bringing the bread bag in yesterday. He was my character witness.
In the past I have had to instruct my oldest to let #4…our 3yr old…bring one of the lighter bags in so he won’t feel left out. Which I really didn’t have to do as he would have just bullied his way to a bag anyways. This kid is like a little kingpin running the house from his short stature. He is an absolute parenting challenge as he is awake when I fall asleep and up before I awake. It’s like this child never sleeps. And he will ask for stuff non-stop. I was late for work the other day and he had this whimper cry that he does when he wants something. I ask what he wants…hoping it was something simple like juice…and he pinned me against the fridge and responded, “Daddy I want egg sam-mich with cheeze and chips and drink.” I mean literally gave me an order like this is the IHOP or something.
He is also physically strong and fearless, which is a trait of kingpins. He will jump on the oldest (10 yrs old) and spar and wrestle with him for hours…then go back to the others once he gets his weight up and beat the crap out of them screaming THIS IS SPARTA!!! as he plants his foot on their chests and kicks them off their Wii. I created a post about this joker before entitled – 40 mins in the life of a 2yr old terrorist.
Back to the case. I analyzed the evidence with my wife and recalled her fussing at #4 yesterday for squishing the loaf of bread I brought home, which happened to have the buns in the same bag. So we know he is the culprit, but just don’t know where he put the buns. We questioned the kingpin this morning, but of course he was devoid of answers. He would not budge and told us, “You pigs will never take me alive!”
Try interrogating a toddler. No seriously, try it.
I will keep you posted on the investigation as more clues come about…