why I blog?
If you stumbled upon my blog, you may run across some posts to make you say, “Just who in the hell does this guy think he is?” Well I am going to tell you. Everything I say I speak from experience. I don’t speak to be malicious or to make anyone feel bad. I speak the truth, and give advice I share with young and old men/women in my family. To my sons, nieces, cousins, friends. I focus a lot on relationships because I think they are critical to life. I may not get a lot of things in life, but I understand how relationships work.
(Stay tuned because the new blog with my wife is coming real soon.)
What this blog isn’t. You won’t find a high and mighty condescending guy sitting here on my thrown telling all the dumb females of the land what is wrong with them and ignoring what I did to contribute to the problem. I am not going to talk about your issues when I am not walking as the man I was created to be. I have seen blogs where (male & female) will make comments to belittle someone and make themselves feel better about their own insecurities. I don’t sit here and try to magnify someone else’s problems to mask my own. Trust me, I got issues!! I even have a “I have issues” shirt in my closet. But one thing you can count on is I would never give anyone advice on this blog that I wouldn’t take myself. I am not going to go off about somebody not having the discipline to manage their finances, or continue education, or get out of debt to buy a house…in a tone almost as if I am disgusted…and I can’t manage the words coming out of my mouth, have the discipline to maintain a healthy weight, or hell even manage to sustain a lasting relationship. I have made a lot of mistakes with relationships in the past, and I am now blessed to be with a wonderful woman for over a decade. I am not an expert by any means, but I can recognize some of the foolishness I took part in, and if I can prevent someone from making a dumb mistake with a few words then I will.
With the popularity of blogs, social networks, facebook groupies / desperate cyber stalkers, it tends to be a bit overwhelming hearing peoples vastly different viewpoints. It is actually quite annoying, so I know I am not for everyone. I am not self-righteous nor do I bend the moral compass to ignore my faults while highlighting others. I am not one of those people that just randomly Googles scriptures to pretend I am something I am not. We all are works in progress, but some people tend to, as we used to say back in the day, put up a front.
I also won’t use this as a platform to express when my feelings are hurt. You know back in the day grandma (figure of speech) used to teach that family (relationship) business stays within the walls. If my wife and I are disagreeing, I promise no one else on this earth would ever know about it (especially not on a blog) because we established that early in our relationship. It amazes me how relationships go sour, and people will take cyber shots at one another. It is a sad trend, and it really is pointless because at the end of the day, what is done is done. I know it is hard when you sow into something/someone and dream of the possibilities…all to have it slam into a brick wall like a crash test dummy. But when it is over it is over. When the movie ends you don’t sit there after the credits staring at the blank screen dwelling on what was. You have to get up and move.
My friends all know me as one of the realest cats ever. As the youngens say in this era, keeping it 1hun. But I am also transparent and show empathy. I think all bloggers write from a passionate place. We use it as therapy to vent for whomever wants to listen. But at times in life things are peachy and we tend to intertwine a lot of emotion into it…sometimes emotion that could be hurtful and harmful to others. I understand how powerful words are so I am cognisant of this. It is never my intention to take shots or belittle anyone, but assist in deliverance from nonsense.
a woman’s heart
Day 2 of my blog via cell phone trials. This is actually my third attempt, and may possibly be my last (since others have complained about this app losing posts). Instead of sitting inside of a boring office meeting, today I am outside utilizing one of the ten breaks I intend on using today.
As I sit here listening to the ambient sounds of nature, I begin wondering what type flower this is? Wondering how long it took to mature? Wondering why women allow any man that gives them five seconds of attention the opportunity to de-flower them?
My wife and I often times discuss relationships, and try to discern the “why” behind peoples decisions. What in their past/present influences the bad/good choices they make? Why females (and heck males too) lower their standards and expectations? At the root level, what inside makes you feel the need to settle and compromise for a loser?
One of my fb friends posted a quote this morning. I am a fan of statements that make you perform a self-assessment, so I wanted to share. Definitely substance to mediate on.
“A woman’s heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her.” ~ Max Lucado
planning for an open door
I am currently in a meeting with some vendors politely ignoring every word. I have been staring at the door anticipating when I can bolt. Figured I’d do something productive with my time and try to blog (post) via cell phone. Please forgive typos.
I was talking to a friend of mine about preparing for a breakthrough. I shared my testimony about moving my family across the country and all the trials we went through. I explained that despite your circumstances, sometimes you have to use what you have and prepare (mentally, spiritually, physically, emotionally) so when the door opens, you’ll be ready. Like it to prepping yourself for a job interview. You go in prepared….anticipating what you don’t see…being optimistic, exercising faith, and believing in a positive outcome. No one goes to an interview trying NOT to obtain favor.
I joke a lot on this blog, but ultimately my goal is to share my life experiences and encourage. I know sometimes it looks like your situation will not change, but you can’t give up. Work with what you have, and prepare for (anticipate) a breakthrough.
“Plans are a bridge to your purpose.” ~ unknown author
hour 4.5 of a 5 hour energy drink
I needed to do some work prior to work, therefore I purchased one of those tiny bottles of energy drink I have seen near store checkout. I carefully read the ingredients as I wanted to make sure my heart didn’t pound so hard I could hear it nor my flesh to become hot/flush (actual side effects). Feeling exhausted and at a breaking point, I snapped the lid and took a swig. Ugh. Tasted like Kool-Aid made with Splenda. Had that same diet soda aftertaste that I can not stand. I manage to chug it so I can provide an assessment, while being pessimistic thinking it won’t work in minutes like the package states. I sat on the edge of my desk while reading, and didn’t realize how swiftly my legs were kicking. Thinking it was just exhaustion, I stood up. My foot began to pat vigorously. At this point thinking to myself…damn this stuff actually works. I start to drum on my desk like Travis Barker. No high hats, just straight snare solos. I tried to suppress my crackhead-ish jitters…which started with scratching like Tyrone Biggums…to being paranoid someone was behind me. At this point I knew I had to stop reading and get some of this energy out.
I managed to squeeze in a minor workout prior to coming to work. Famished and not in the vicinity of healthy food, I pulled into the local Sonic. Somehow everything on the left side of the menu seemed appealing, but I settled for a bistro sandwich. Parked my car and walked 5 blocks to work (downtown). For some reason I became focused on items on the ground, so as I maneuvered around dead leaves and bird droppings, this woman walked by talking to herself. She mumbled something and her breath smelled like she had been drinking stagnate toilet water. I had no idea why this –itty breath projected so far, but it was almost if she swallowed a log of digested food. Was it the energy drink? Did it somehow enhance my senses? I thought back to the first (and last) time in college I smoked with some crazy white boys in my dorm, and became so high when I played my football video game later that night I had to put the controller down because I thought I was in the game and didn’t want to get hurt. “Take me out coach!”
I get to work and unfortunately discover 5-Hour doesn’t suppress annoying co-workers; it intensifies them. My face began to hurt smiling at un-humorous attempt to be witty. Too dang early in the morning to be smiling…I been up practically all night. I have a brief fantasy of punching him with one of those oversized gimic boxing gloves…filled with marbles. On my way to a team meeting, I walk past this office and see an old school electric pencil sharpener and think to myself…WWPD – what would Pinocchio do? Was he the life of the puppet party? Did he get drunk and do dares? I could just hear them now, “Stick your nose in it P…I dare you!” My mind is all over the place at this point. How am I thinking about Pinocchio before 9am? I arrived at our team meeting, and I couldn’t help but to zone out until everything became a murmur. Bored out my mind, I had an urge to play musical chairs. I thought to myself, how cool it would be if we all turned into cartoons like the Dungeon’s and Dragons cartoon from the 80s, then we’d play musical chairs with the loser of each round falling through a trap door into a pit of alligators, and me standing on the table holding the conference phone over my head like Excalibur as the victor.
Even though I catch myself at times talking fast as John Moschitta Jr. (Micro Machines guy), the Sonic seemed to be watering down my high. What if I crash? What if at 4:59 I was wired, then at 5:00 on the dot I just passed out at my desk in the middle of a conversation…smacking my keyboard against the monitor with lazy arms.
My assessment? I guess overall I’d have to say it worked…being I typed this post in less than 5 mins. Wonder what would happen if I took one of these before sex? I’d probably morph into a chick afterwards and sit up TALKING about how I read the package, turned into a crackhead drummer who liked diet soda flavored caffeine drinks before working out and molesting a Sonic menu with his thoughts…shortly followed by giving a woman Listerine oral care suggestions in my mind while dodging bird crap in the sidewalk, reminiscing about college bongs…then scarfing down an unhealthy breakfast while avoiding unfunny jokes and visualizing a co-worker being knocked out by the old Mike Tyson, thinking about how Pinocchio kicked it in the wood hood once he turned 21 while playing musical chairs as a cartoon in a team meeting and wondering what ever happened to that Micro Machine guy?
I may have to lay off the caffeine.
the patience of Job
Losing my patience is a funny topic because to all my friends, family I have always been Mr. Laid back. In my family (outside of my home) I have the most patience (have to dealing with those bastards) and try to mimic my grandmother who let the weight of the world roll off her shoulders and kept trucking. In my home, I tend to have more patience with the boys than my wife (of course because I am not there all day). And at my job, there is a running joke that I have the patience of Job due to the way I tend to deal with difficult customers (business line and end users). When asked how I do it, I always joke about having a house full of boys. If I can deal with them in a house with vaulted ceilings, then certainly I can deal with these frustrated users. Just walk a day with me and you’ll see why.
Lately Texass has been having an incredible heat wave. As a northern boy, it took me a while to get used to the heat. Literally so hot it makes you religious…because you know you can’t go to hell if it is hotter than Texas. Open your car after work and feels like you are standing in front of an oven full of Thanksgiving fixin’s.
I had already been frustrated this day for various reasons. I started the day waking up late. Drove for a little bit and felt I needed new brake pads…which the shop was too full to fit me in. I get to work and the streets were blocked for some convention. I am trying to merge over and got attacked by a gang of senior citizens in Crown Victorias. I escape to discover no parking and me having to pay for a lot. Worked like a Hebrew slave today on some Cognos reports, then left work to run a never-ending list of errands from not finding what I needed and traveling to 3 different stores, to prescriptions not being filled correctly.
On the way home there was a little bird in the road. As a teen I would speed up (the hell with you PETA), but as a adult I just keep my same speed. I have never hit an animal. It seemed like everytime a bird was in my path, God would send a wind to lift their wings up, so I thought today would be no different. Well this little bird must have missed the memo…thud…rest in tweet.
I get home hot, frustrated, back soaked from sweat, paranoid thinking this birds father was stalking me (still traumatized from watching Hitchcock’s The Birds when I was little). Walk through the door and see my 5yr old on the couch with an ice pack on his forehead. I ask my wife what happened, and she just shook her head. When things of this nature render her speechless it usually makes my blood boil because I know it has to be bad. I go look at my son and he looks like Haseem Rakmeen after the Holyfield fight. Ok, maybe I am exaggerating a lot…but he had a nice size cartoon knot on his head. I ask once more what in the hell happened, then he, she, heck one of em (at this point I was about to blackout and go into rage mode) told me his older brother slammed the door on him.
I suppose I have to pause and explain these brothers. My wife and I had the nerve to say we’d never have two kids in diapers and how horrible that would be, and don’t you know it happened. Back to back. They love each other to death, but couldn’t be more like night and day. I dub them the wonder twins. I joke with my wife about living with all guys because guys can fight, go at it, then be cool 10 mins later. The wonder twins, as small as 3 & 4, would go outside on the patio with chairs next to each other, and talk like Grumpy Old Men. Their bond is the funniest thing you ever want to see. Now ages 5 & 6 they STILL fight 90% of the time, but when they are just conversing, it is hilarious.
So as a parent, you often have to play Inspector Gadget because kids tend to pay attention when they aren’t supposed to (e.g. cursing while driving, smacking mom on the butt, etc). We always get on them for tattle telling about minuscule stuff, and teach them about taking care of one another. Then soon as something like this happens, it is the Usual Suspects…nobody wants to talk. I ask the 5-yr old why were they fighting, and he said, “I dunno.”
“I dunno?” I replied voice raising. “What in the hell does I dunno mean?”
Then I had to just laugh because I remember teasing my wife about her getting frustrated at them…and telling her that is just how guys are. There were other things too. My 2yr old pulled a pack off light bulbs off the table and broke on the kitchen floor, someone wrote on my office carpet with a permanent marker, somebody tagged (graffiti) my tote full of electronics in the closet, they moved all the icons on my PC desktop so I can’t find nothing (and I have serious OCD), and managed to break the leg on one of our kitchen chairs…just to name a few things. And this was a light day. Don’t get me started on the day I came home to a dent/hole in the living room wall because somebody didn’t properly strap on the Wii controller and it went flying.
If I can deal with these children terrorists daily, surely I can deal with people at work.
the grass is always greener
The older I get, the more I start to appreciate the journey, versus the destination. Recently I have grown fond of working on the lawn. It is trying, testing, grueling a times in this Texas heat, but rewarding nonetheless.
Last weekend I gathered some huge Flintstone type stones from a new housing development and attempted to arrange my flower bed. I took the leftover brick from our home build to outline the bed, and in the future plan on having my neighbor (son of a former brick mason) mortar it so it looks cleaner. Flowerbeds add character, but without healthy green grass the landscaped marriage is irrelevant. Who wants to be with some old lifeless, worn down grass?
I used to think lawn care was a simple as cutting the grass and watering the lawn, but I have learned that there are a lot of factors to take into consideration. How your grass behaves and grows heavily depends on your environment. Because of our region, we deal mainly with Bermuda & St. Augustine grass. To ensure my lawn thrives and is healthy, I make sure I use popular brand of seed/fertilizer.
A few weeks back I fought procrastination and finally applied some to our lawn. I used a broadcast spreader because it helps to spread seed evenly. It basically provides balance. Here are some of the benefits of seed:
- Feeds and strengthens against heat and drought.
- Kills weeds.
- Improves lawn’s ability to absorb water and nutrients.
- Builds strong, deep roots.
The problem with laying grass seed/fertilizer is you don’t see the results instantly. Takes cultivating – watering, trimming, removing dead areas. It is a constant cycle. You keep doing this until one day when you least expect it…you look back and notice the results. The bad areas are patched, the dead areas look alive, and the weeds are completely gone. It is alive and thriving. It parallels life.
I was listening to an old sermon where he went on a tangent about how some people live 30, 40, 50 years and continue to make the same stupid mistakes/excuses they made when they were younger. I understand his frustration. People always want to complain that they were tricked or bamboozled, yet don’t want to accept one iota of responsibility for how they manipulated to get into the situation. It is always somebody else’s fault. At what point do you get tired and want a change? At what point do you basically grow up and stop making excuses? At what point do you look at the common denominator in situations/relationships and understand that it is YOU not them?
I don’t mean to come across foul, but I get sick and tired of foolishness. Between family, friends, work and social networks, I am discovering people whine about everything. Hell, everyone’s life is hard. GET OVER IT!! I guess that is why I chuckled when I read the article about the old Chinese man who was tired of a guy contemplating suicide on a bridge, and pushed him off. I don’t blame him…I can’t stand drama either. Point is, no one has the ideal life, but we constantly fantasize about being in someone else’s shoes. The grass is always greener on the other side…pun intended. You spend all your time wanting to be celebrity, meanwhile the celebrity just wants peace and privacy. You spend all your time wanting to be in her shoes as his wife, but don’t want to make the sacrifices she made to be in her position. You spend all your time feeding her pipe dreams wanting her to fulfill your every selfish desire, but don’t want to step up and take responsibility to be the unselfish man God created you to be. You spend all your time complaining about your meager position in corporate America, but then don’t want to dedicate your spare time to higher education or additional certifications.
In all these situations, you have to assess what you really want. You can continue to just water and cut the grass and do nothing else with your life, or you can get some good seed and grow to the next level. May look like you will never get that promotion, or get through school. You feel like you will never get out of debt, or get a new car, or purchase a home. May feel like you will never find that right someone. Sometimes we are just not in the ideal situation, but we have to make due with what we have. You have to be persistent and consistent, but let me clarify that foremost you have to be wise…and wisdom only comes from Him. Without wisdom you can consistently and persistently do the wrong thing. Having wisdom means you recognize your limitations (e.g. my inability to lay mortar for the brick border). Wisdom means discerning when a door is shut and you need to stop tugging on it. Wisdom is recognizing some things in life are weeds that we need to pull up from the roots and completely discard.
Learn your environment and how to effectively grow there. Get yourself around a good broadcast spreader…those who will sow into you and help provide that balance. Develop a pattern of cultivating and pruning. Water yourself with things that will provide you with the nutrients to grow, versus staying in the past and tugging on closed doors (e.g. your feelings being hurt and still contacting/stalking an ex). You really get this Word seed in your spirit, then you will protect yourself in a drought. It will fill that void you have in times when you are tempted. Put yourself in a position to develop strong roots, and before you know it, your vision will manifest. That is when you can look back and enjoy the fruits of your labor. That is when you receive your breakthrough and understand the importance of your journey. In the end, the grass may look greener, but people have no clue what you went through to get your harvest.
Steven Seagal understands the key to life
Last night I watched one of my favorite pre-recorded shows on DVR (4th and Long). I like this show because it is about perseverance, getting second chances, and doing whatever it takes to achieve your goal. When the show was over I began doing some work on my laptop. My son had the station tuned on some station to watch wrestling, and after it went off apparently some cheesy action movie came was on that I paid no attention to. I finished my work and laid on the couch to rest for a second, and realized this flick was one of Steven Seagal’s new films.
Immediately I began to laugh. For those who don’t know, Steven Seagal has been making martial arts/action movies since the late 80s. My ex Navy bro-in-law used to be a fan, so when I was younger we’d sit and watch flicks like Above The Law and Out for Justice. We never watched for the plot or acting; merely for the action (e.g. pool balls to the head). Next to Rudy Ray Moore (Dolemite), Steven Seagal is arguably one of the worst actors in our era.
I sat there in awe as I couldn’t believe he was still doing the same thing. It was apparent this was a direct-to-video movie, but the same premise nonetheless. As I watched him attempt to recreate a Cajun accent (which was absolutely hilarious) I thought to myself – I laugh, but this guy actually has the key to success in life. Steven is not the best at what he does. Acting is not his forte whatsoever, but he is good at martial arts. He basically worked with what he had…what he loved…what he was good at…and created a niche in the market. In essence, Steven Seagal discovered his purpose in life. No matter what people (critics) said to discourage him, he remained persistent and diligent at pursuing his goals…and 21 years from his first movie he still stands.
Discovering your purpose is one of the hardest things to do in life because people (friends, family, co-workers) tend to discourage you. You have to fight through peoples opinions for what you should be doing with your life and do what you feel you have been led to do. Once you discover that purpose, remove all excuses, then be diligent and relentless in the pursuit. No matter what you do in life…whether that be education, exercise, saving money, or rebuilding relationships…consistency brings about results.
Who would have ever thought you could extrapolate revelation from a Steven Seagal flick?
You don’t know me! – (Part II)
I actually wrote this post in two parts sense I felt it was sort of long. If visiting the post directly, click here to view part I.
This post was not intended to be a female bashing session because foolishness is a two-way street. Guys will sit here and use a female for their own selfish agenda, then get mad when things go belly up as well. They want the benefits of sex, with none of the consequences. Watch one of those Maury shows. I haven’t seen one in years, but I am quite sure the formula hasn’t changed. A guy gets hurt that he has a baby by a chick he merely viewed as a pleasure receptacle, then turns around like, “Maury, that baby ain’t mine. She’s a ho, a tramp, a slut, a batch. She smashed all the homies!”
I sit here thinking to myself…you knew she was superhead before you skinny dipped in camp crystal lake, so why did you continue? We (men) need to start being more accountable for our actions and stop deferring the blame. This is a lesson I am branding into my sons even at an early age. If you don’t want to be bothered with a female, don’t lead her on. Period. Don’t use her for sex, or companionship, or conversation, or food, or money, or anything of the sort. Don’t even be nice and lie. If you don’t want somebody, make it apparent and don’t leave loose strings to go back to.
Men tend to have exit strategies, or what I call the west coast offense. The west coast offense is an offensive philosophy which broke the norm at the time it was introduced by stretching the defense out using a horizontal passing attack. I won’t get much into the theory, but once you start learning the offense there are a series of check-downs the QB is taught; with the RB always being a last resort to dump the ball off. Men employ this west coast offense with women. The game has evolved. Men set up the field to keep women on their toes and always have an outlet to fall back on; thus the reason communication lines are not cut. I have always told my wife no matter how crazy an ex is, if you really want someone out of your life you will make it so they are not part of your life.
One of the things we are stressing with our sons is to leave females alone if you don’t like them. Don’t even be nice because females take things differently. Your smile and trying to be nice could be a sign to her you want to leave your woman and marry her. Seriously. My wife can explain this a lot better than I am trying to articulate, but women by their very nature are incubators. They are constructed to give birth. So once you (as a man) says something to a woman it sits there and incubates. That is why an argument is NEVER over with a woman. That is why when a woman becomes silent you should be worried (lol). That is why it is important we are careful what we say to women. You can’t tell a girl you love her, then renege. Their brains don’t work in the same manner ours does. Once you say something, it is too late to play cleanup. Women tend to take things, run with it, and manipulate it to their liking. Then we wonder why we have a psycho on our hands.
Of course I can’t blame them. Look at how we have evolved as men. How we treat them. How we pimp them out on magazines and movies, and hell in life. How we ignore their needs and do what is in our own best interest. Man to man, we have been acting like jackasses.
This relationship thing is not as hard as we make it out to be. We just get impatient and move when our instinct tells us to stand still. Sometimes I think God looks at us and says, “You don’t know me!” then removes hand. Then we wonder why everything is so chaotic. Almost like having a hard-headed child that you keep telling to stop running in the kitchen. One day you get tired of telling him to stop…then he slips and busts his tail.
I don’t subscribe to the notion that – I didn’t know. I didn’t know he/she was like that. I didn’t know he/she was crazy. Boo. You knew, but chose to ignore because your desire (personal need) was greater than what you know you discerned from the beginning. My wife always preaches/teaches about choice. Everything in life boils down to a choice. Yes, you have a choice in every situation. You can choose to surf the internet and stay on social networks all day or choose to read a book, develop your mind and invest time wisely. You can choose to eat junk food and not exercise, or choose to eat healthy and attempt to be fit. You can choose to know and learn the person you are dating before you sleep with them, or choose to ignore the signs and simply – do you. You can choose to accept foolishness in relationships, or choose to move past it and walk towards your purpose. It is all a choice.
